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Off the Chest

Adam Fairholm | Tuesday, May 1, 2007

You know, I’m graduating this semester. It’s coming up fast. As stated several times before in various places, as a paid Observer employee I am entitled to write an Inside Column. I reserved this Inside Column space solely for the purpose of cleaning house of all loose ends from my undergraduate years.

Here is a list of things I need to get off my chest before I move on to a new chapter in my life:

– To James: I told you I’d turn in that receipt for a reimbursement for the hat. I lost the receipt and the deadline passed. Sorry.

– To the Subway workers: I have tried very hard to enunciate clearly and vividly describe what my sandwich should be like in a non-demeaning way. However, you frequently seem sad as a collective whole. I have failed to cheer you. I’m sorry.

– To the ND chapter of Amnesty International: I signed up for your e-mail list when I was a freshman but never joined. However, I’ve been reading your frequent e-mails all the way through for four years. Also, thank you for the free pen.

– To the guy who runs the students with disabilities center: I’m sorry I signed up to be a note taker for class and then stopped turning in notes after a few months. There really wasn’t anything to take notes on. I didn’t put any hours into Ultratime, so I hope everything is cool.

– To the one guy in the football office whose fax machine I used in 2004: Sorry for the inconvenience. You seemed kind of pissed.

– To Marty: My public deconstruction of your headshot was out of line. I’m sorry.

– To Joe Rabbitt, my freshman year Philosophy TA: My paper on Voltaire sucked. I know it did. I’m sorry. I tried.

– To the security guard I verbally chastised for not letting me into D2 one football Saturday morning: I’m sorry. I had a bad night, and you also had an attitude.

– To the old man who told me it wasn’t safe to stand out on St. Mary’s lake when it was frozen: I don’t know who you are, but you really annoy me still to this day.

– To the dining hall card swipers: I’m sorry one time my cousin and I went into the side of North where you can’t pay to get someone in, knowing fully well that I couldn’t pay for him on that side, and then had you tell me to go to the other side, and then I just walked into the dining hall with him. That was wrong but also surprisingly easy.

– To my Drawing I teacher: I never paid my $70 art fee from 2005. But I e-mailed you about it and you never got back to me. So I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry at the same time, because we had to buy all of our art supplies anyway.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I feel a lot better now.

Oh yeah, and thanks for reading CroissantWorld for the past two years blah blah I’ll miss it blah blah I love Notre Dame etc., etc. I love all of you yadda etc. blah.