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We Delivery’ Woes

Chris Khorey | Friday, September 28, 2007

There’s something wrong with this semester.

Look at the bizarre, awful things that have happened:

uThere was a shooting outside Club 23.

uThere was an Internet scam that preyed on Notre Dame Federal Credit Union customers.

uThe women’s soccer and volleyball teams have losing records.

uThe football team is 0-4.

What could be causing all of this?

What evil curse has descended on this campus?

Like most of you, I was extremely confused by all of this. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what was going on at Notre Dame.

And then, on the way back from Ann Arbor last week, just when I thought life couldn’t get any worse, I saw the problem, the root of the tragedies, frustrations and struggles.

We were driving down SR-23, coming up on Ironwood Road. And I saw that beacon of life, liberty and sweet and sour chicken – Golden Dragon Chinese Restaurant.

In my depressed, post-loss state, I looked at the establishment as one of the first signs that I was home, safe in South Bend, far away from the evil of Ann Arbor.

And then I saw something that struck me with horror.

In place of the beautiful, reassuring, neon sign announcing to the world that “We Delivery,” Golden Dragon had an awful monstrosity hanging from its window.

The new sign, in garish pink and green, reads: “We Deliver.” That lovely ‘y’ that I had learned to count on for three whole years under the Dome was gone.

I don’t know when Golden Dragon changed its sign, but I do know this: Bad things have been happening on this campus, and it isn’t a coincidence. Ever since “We Delivery” has been gone, life at Notre Dame hasn’t been the same.

Other college towns take good care of their cheeky, silly advertising slogans.

Krazy Jim’s Blimpie Burger near the University of Michigan still insists that its sandwiches are “Cheaper than Food.” In Newark, Del. University of Delaware students make sure to frequent the pizza place on Main Street even when the sign says “Sorry, We’re Open.”

So, Golden Dragon, I implore you – bring back “We Delivery.” Give us back safe streets, secure bank accounts, and winning football. Give us back our school.

It’s our darkest hour. We need your help.