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Bonds belongs in obscurity

Chris McGrady | Thursday, November 15, 2007

When Barry Bonds hit his 756th home run on Aug. 7, a 435-foot blast off of Washington Nationals pitcher Mike Bacsik, he passed Hank Aaron as the all-time home run king. It struck me as a shame. Aaron was a model of humility, poise and courage, while Bonds is a big-headed and acidic slugger. It is even more of a shame now, as Barry Bonds was indicted Thursday for perjury and obstruction of justice charges.Bonds’ home run title has always been just a touch fishy. He entered the Major Leagues at 6-foot-2 and about 185 pounds. By 2001, he weighed in at 228 and had gone from a fleet-footed base-stealer to a power-slugger, capable of sweeping any ball off the plate and into the stands. And now Bonds is not just a cheater, as he already was in the eyes of millions of baseball fans who believe he took steroids. He is also a liar. In fact, the man who owns his record-setting home run ball said he wants to enter it into the hall of fame with a large asterisk drawn on it. If that happens, Bonds has said, he will never visit the Hall of Fame or have anything to do with the Cooperstown monument again. Fortunately for him, it looks like he won’t have to worry about it. That is he won’t unless the federal penitentiary has a field trip day.I think Bonds deserves a different brand of punishment though; jail just doesn’t quite do it for me. I suggest the following alternatives.

uHe takes himself out of the running for anything having to do with the Hall of Fame, and every one of his records and awards is taken away. He spends the rest of his days going door-to-door and apologizing to every pitcher he hit a juiced-up home run off.

uIt is a common belief that steroids can cause one’s cranium to swell. So I would suggest a form of torture for Bonds. Nothing awful here, but this is my idea – he has to remain standing in one spot until he eventually collapses under the weight of his own swollen head.

uHe has to spend the rest of his life as the personal servant of each and every person who ever paid to see Bonds play. Need your car washed? Call Bonds. Back rub? Bonds is your man.

Bonds bothers me more than any other professional sports player. He lied to millions of people and fans. He lied to children. He cheated, and he knew he cheated, and yet he still lied. It’s a shame and he doesn’t deserve any of the success that baseball has brought him. Which makes me think the best punishment is this: He should be removed from all the record books and history of baseball guides. His jerseys should be burned or thrown away. The media should never write another article about him again, and he can waste away in obscurity, where he belongs.I’m glad that Bonds is finally getting his. He has been indicted on four counts of perjury and one obstruction of justice for telling a federal grand jury he did not knowingly use performance enhancing drugs. Our justice system is going to work. Unfortunately for Aaron, it’s a few months too late.