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Waiting for George

Katlyn Smith | Friday, January 25, 2008

Possibly as a result of the winter doldrums or Christmas vacation withdrawal, I have decided to approach this Inside Column with my current annoyances.

First, political candidates can no longer use the word “change.” They should consider offering less abstract, insubstantial platforms to run their campaigns. As a first time voter, I’d prefer to see clear-cut strategies as opposed to simply identifying the nation’s problems. Furthermore, the news media seems to devote ample time to tears and haircuts on the campaign trail when coverage of genocide is rare.

Similarly, I do not turn to CNN for the latest couch-jumping or umbrella-attacking celebrities. Attempting to stay aware of international events, I find myself more informed on recent mug shots or failed court appearances. However, I no longer need to purchase an US Weekly.

Third, although going green is crucial for the planet, I do not think changing light bulbs is truly effective. Massive reforms at the Washington level must increase fuel efficiency standards in the even nearer future. Nevertheless, any global warming critics can support their case with South Bend weather.

Fourth, the standard cable company for the residence halls does not provide Turner Classic Movies. Apparently, Comcast assumes students are more likely to watch HGTV and Lifetime. In addition, the channel broadcasts classics when Hollywood had IDEAS. This summer, theaters offered an impressive selection, namely Shrek 3 or Rush Hour 3. Tough call.

Fifth, the writers’ strike has prevented the pure joy, elation and ecstasy of George Clooney in a tux. In effect, the award season acknowledges and honors the writers. Moreover, I’m already overwhelmed with reality television. Without the writers, I’m forced to watch reruns of David Letterman throwing pizzas at a Christmas tree.

Sixth, Green’s Bay pass protection and special teams prevented one of the more sportsmanlike, humanitarian quarterbacks from reaching the pinnacle Super Bowl. Eli has his entire career ahead of him.

Also, no words can express my frustration with my hometown team: the Bears. Except, perhaps sign Brady, as in Quinn. Only a former Purdue quarterback with a terrible beard would stumble under the pressure.

Although I would never convert to the Sox fan base, how many times do I have to declare, “Maybe this is the year?” And the hall of fame has denied Ron Santo’s induction for too long. Shockingly, this baseball player has never used steroids.

Likewise, the PGA has not scheduled a tournament for Illinois until 2009. No Tiger. No Sergio.

Looking toward Notre Dame’s next season, students who leave during the alma mater only reaffirm the “fair-weather” accusation. Furthermore, field goals are an acceptable means of scoring.

Surely, the spring weather will bring a more positive outlook. So until the groundhog fails to see his shadow, I can only wait for George’s Oscar win to alleviate my winter doldrums.