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Drug Bust

Kaitlynn Riely | Thursday, August 28, 2008

A few days ago, I embarrassed myself on the phone with a drug dealer.

Though I do not spend much time on the street per se, I consider myself to be fairly wise in the ways of the world. I’m at ease taking cabs. I frequently avail myself of public transportation. I have purchased cigarellos from a convenience store.

But there is a drug dealer, somewhere in Maryland, who thinks I am a lost cause.

Less than a day after I left my home state, I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize, with a area code that indicated the person was calling from somewhere near Washington, D.C.

I answered the phone.

“Do you want some green?” said a gruff male voice.

I asked him to repeat his question, because I couldn’t quite hear him. He repeated it.

I still was not sure what he was asking. So I told him he had the wrong number.

He assured me he had the right number.

“Do you want some green?”

His voice was still less than clear. I tried sounding it out.

“Greeeeeeeeen,” I said.

“Yeah, do you want some green?” he asked again.

I finally admitted it. I didn’t know what green was.

At this point, I think he gradually started to realize that maybe he did have the wrong number.

“Isn’t this D.J.’s friend who works at Macy’s? She said you wanted some green.”

I have no friends named D.J. I don’t nor have I ever worked at Macy’s. And again, I don’t know what green is.

So he hung up on me.

Even after the call, I was still not sure what the man had been trying to sell me. I thought “green” could be a nickname for U.S. dollars, but selling money for money seems like a fruitless telemarketing scheme.

Maybe, I thought, green is slang for marijuana. It seemed a little foolish to me for D.J’s friend, who works at Macy’s, to arrange her drug buys over the phone with a man she doesn’t know. But I Googled it. According to Marijuana Dictionary, the online source with – how appropriate – 420 slang terms for marijuana, green refers to inferior quality marijuana. Macy’s must not be paying D.J.’s friend very well.

So now I know. If he calls me again, I’ll be ready.

“Do I want some ‘green’?” I’ll say when I get the call.

“Are you talking about ‘cereal’ or ‘kali’? Some ‘Panama Gold’? You want to know if I want some ‘Aunt Mary’? The ‘white-haired lady,’ ‘the O.J.’?”

“Yeah,” he’ll say. “That’s what I’m selling.”

I think you’re looking for D.J.’s friend.