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Why I Hate ‘High School Musical 3’

Stephanie DePrez | Tuesday, October 28, 2008

One night during high school I sat down to watch TV with my younger brother. We both grew up on Disney, avidly waiting for the latest Disney Channel Original Movie since the days of Jett Jackson. So, when I decided to venture back into the world of my youth for a night, I was hoping to regain some happy childhood mojo.What I encountered was a travesty of the highest order. Being a musical theatre geek in high school, I had approached this new “High School Musical” movie with measurable excitement. But Disney, my beloved Disney, had sold out. I was not watching a relatable hero battle life and insurmountable foes in order to “find” him/herself, as is the general formula for the D-COM, but instead I saw a mockery of absolutely everything from high school theatre programs to Disney itself. The music was a joke, nothing like the “Even Stevens” musical episode I loved so much. Instead it was overproduced, simplistic drivel built on computer chords and electric drums on par with a Britney Spears comeback. It wasn’t even witty! The lyrics were unbelievable to the point where I had to ask, “Did she just say ‘hip-hop hooray?'” After half an hour I turned to my brother and said, “This script is so bad, it’s making my toenails cringe.” Disney’s attempt at “cute-hip-upbeat-frivolous-fun” had fallen flat on its face.Much to my chagrin, the tweeny-boppers came out in droves to the point that no-fool Disney decided to make a second. And a third. But before you gag me with a spoon, here are some reasons I passionately despise this “HSM” thing with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns.The music It could have been cute, but it’s just awful. I love the simple, catchy attitude of musical theatre today, but this went beyond. I would rail on against the composers, but they’re sitting on piles of money so the argument would be moot. It’s a principle thing, though. Yea I say unto you, composers: The music you wrote is miserable and I hope your money is worth what you lost as a musician. Key change!The story The first movie was ridiculous, and coming from an intense high school musical program I can tell you with certainty that it was nothing like reality. I know “that’s not the point,” but really guys, give high school thespians some respect. We got none from the sports programs. The second movie’s plot was unremarkable. I offer it up to the chopping block.Though I haven’t seen the third, I’ve heard of there are a number of blatant flaws that make Disney look just plain stupid. I’m here to tell you none of those kids are going to Juilliard. Juilliard programs are classical, and they aren’t exactly looking for any of the skills these characters display. And a Stanford honors program? Honey, Stanford is an honors program.  And there is no way anyone from Stanford is getting away with a relationship with someone attending Cal Berkeley. The schools are mortal enemies.The acting. Vanessa Hudgens. ‘Nuff said.Though I could continue, it would be for naught, because I know everyone who loves High School Musical isn’t going to stop loving it anytime soon. And I can’t really blame a franchise that is off making billions of dollars through clean entertainment, even if it is an artistic disaster. All I can say is, when we look back on our lives, is this really what we will want to see as our cultural contribution to the universe?