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Forde ounces to freedom

Bob Kessler | Thursday, November 13, 2008

Forty names, beers, schools and minutiae making news at Notre Dame (1), where the Leprechaun Legion (2) is the second best student body of all the basketball schools in the nation [no criticisms of Fr. Jenkins (3) for firing Tyrone Willingham (4) included].The Flash (me, of course) would like to send a huge Notre Dame congratulations over to president elect Barack Obama (5). The first black president certainly deserves a nice Samuel Adams Winter Lager (6) on me, but I can’t seem to send liquids to the future leader of the free world, so he’ll have to stop by The Linebacker Lounge (7 ) sometime so I can treat him.While on the topic of politics, The Flash would like say happy trails to Rachel Maddow (8) and Keith Olbermann (9). While these two were highly entertaining in the lead up to the election, they will most likely be unwatched for the next four years. Especially Olbermann, who made a second name for himself as the biggest critic of the Bush Administration (10). As consolation gifts for these two I would like to send Ms. Maddow a Busch Light (11) and Mr. Olbermann a Jaeger Bomb (12).Speaking of news media, The Flash would also like to send a shout out to ESPN (13), which proclaimed this week that Weis Watch (14) was beginning. I don’t know about everybody else, but it seems like firing Charlie Weis (15) would truly signal the end for Notre Dame football. When I look around campus, it seems most of the student body does not care about the sport like we once did. The seniors remember the agony of the MSU Flag Planting (16) and the heartbreak of the Bush Push (17), the juniors remember comebacks against UCLA (18) and Michigan State (19), but the sophomores and freshmen only know embarrassing losses. When the student body runs through Stonehenge (20) after a sloppy win against a mediocre Bruin team it is evident that we have seen better days. The Flash thinks that this school needs a marquee victory soon or we could lose the student body indefinitely. A new coach is probably not going to bring that next year and we can not afford to enter another phase of rebuilding.Sticking with the football theme for a moment, The Flash still has not gotten “Viva La Vida” (21) out of his head. The Boston College band (23) played the song incessantly and I now know how losing away fans must feel after leaving Notre Dame Stadium (24). If I can’t get the Coldplay (25) song out of my head, I have no clue how fans of Florida State (26) could have gotten the Victory March (27) out of their heads after the 1993 Game of the Century (28).Speaking of Florida, don’t we wish we were in Florida now. With the temperatures falling, we are now in a critical time of the South Bend Fall that is perfect for two things: a power running game (29) and sweatpants (30). Since the only place we’ve been able to find the first in recent memory has been in dorm showdowns at Stepan Fields (31), I’d like to take some time to ponder the second.As The Flash walks across campus in this weather, he often notices that you can tell where people come from by what they are wearing. Somebody wearing shorts and a hoodie is probably used to the weather. I’m guessing Minnesota (32); those people can handle levels of cold like none other. Anytime I see a person wearing a dress coat and a scarf, I immediately think they are from the East Coast (33) – I don’t know why, just seems like urban attire. Then there are those of us from the Chicago Suburbs (34). I think a lot of us love to sport the hoodie under jacket look in this late fall period. The Flash likes the look because it makes it seem like he can take the cold by not wearing a full on coat [like all those people from Florida (35)] but keeps him warm inside.Speaking of keeping you warm inside, The Flash would like to thank Flashettes Olga Kurylenko (36) and Gemma Arterton (37) who everybody will know by tomorrow as the Bond girls in “Quantum of Solace” (now in a theater near you).The Flash would like to thank several people for their unknowing help with this column. Barry Allen (38) and Wally West (39) have been real troopers for unknowingly letting me use their alias.Finally, I could take some time to mention how Notre Dame officials are racist for firing Tyrone Willingham, but I wouldn’t want to imitate ESPN.com writer Pat Forde (40).

Bob Kessler is a senior majoring in political science and economics. You can contact him at [email protected] views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.