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Hooking-up normal

Letter to the Editor | Friday, November 21, 2008

What’s with all the hate? It took guts for Melissa (“The hook-up culture,” Nov. 19), to come out and talk about something that so many girl refuse to acknowledge: she’s kissed a few boys. Most girls I know are so uptight about discussing anything even related to sex with a guy that it is a breath of fresh air to hear a girl admit that she’s kissed someone before, let alone yell it to the entire campus. If she had told me this personally, I would have given her a sassy z-snap and a “you go girl!”

Too many guys have such an awful view of hooking-up: just because you kiss someone – or even do something more – doesn’t mean you can’t treat them like a person afterwards and at least be cordial, rather than running away like a little son of a …

Personally, I have tried to stay in contact with the girls I’ve hooked up: at the very least, I say “hi, how ya doing?” when I see them. However, I just have to say that although guys are pretty bad offenders at the whole not-making-the-next-time awkward thing, girls aren’t perfect on this point by any stretch.

Of the girls I’ve hooked-up with – or, probably more common, struck out with – there have definitely been more than a few that just refused to even seek something as simple as a friendly acquaintance.

I remember the second week I was here, I kissed a girl on a bench. It was nothing too big, and I proceed to spend the rest of the night babysitting her “friend” – read drunk bull elephant – before walking her and the Baby Dee to a taxi. After multiple unresponded texts over the course of a week, I saw her again at Reckers. I talked to her a bit, and I walked with her and her friends to Blinky. She hasn’t talked to me since, and that’s not for my lack of trying.

I think that Notre Dame has a huge problem with hookups: people take things way too seriously. College is a time when thousands of young singles – many of whom are just starting to explore their sexuality – live basically as next-door neighbors. Obviously, some sparks are going to fly; some start fires that burn, some for an hour (or if you’re from Fisher, as long as she needs).

People hooking-up is a healthy, natural part of life – don’t swear off it, get jiggy with it – but that does not excuse disregarding people’s feelings afterwards. Whether it is a guy or girl, no one enjoys another person avoiding them and pretending not to know them. It is true that most people who hook-up will not become b.f.f.s; however, a simple wave every once and a while never killed anyone. At least not yet.

Declan Sullivan


Fisher Hall

Nov. 20