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You talkin’ bout Christmas?

Letter to the Editor | Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Can you feel it? The collective kinetic pulse, the palpable hue of anticipation for a certain such holiday? No, I am not talking about the feast day of Saint Andre Dung Lac on Nov. 25 or even Thanksgiving. That’s right, it’s Christmas season.

As I am lambasted by the oncoming horde of Christmas 2008 (and probably a little from 2009 already), I lament this premature onslaught. What is the limit as “X-mas” approaches “infinity” on a scale of anticipation and preemption?

Any uttering of Christmas before Turkey Day used to be considered anathema, but now even the revered Holy Day of Halloween has been diluted by talk of the faraway Season of Cheer.

Look, I enjoy Mariah Carey’s gusto-filled rendition of the “All I Want for Christmas Is You” as much as the next guy, but I feel like I’ve been hit in the upper cranium by a sock (most likely a gift from Aunt Tabitha) filled with newly-minted state quarters. It’s too much too soon. Next thing you know, Ebenezer Scrooge will be sporting swim trunks or finding a Christmas tree will be a Fourth of July festivities.

Radical measures need to be taken. Much as like Gandalf was the last hope for stopping the Balrog from crossing the Bridge of Khazad Dum, we faithful Catholics must stop this temporal encroachment now! Seeing as how overcommercialization has pushed “90 percent Off All Scented Yankee Candles” back into the Stone Age, I propose a return to the barter system or possibly experimenting with communism (Obama’s not enough).

Something needs to be done, because there is no way Christmas Cheer can stretch this long. It’s like trying to spread a slab of butter on a piece of toast the size of Adrien Brody’s schnoz. So, I beg thy, do not festoon your rooms yet, but wait until … December 24? … Please

Paul Hotovy


Keenan Hall

Nov. 13