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Secret life of ND teen

Justin Tardiff | Thursday, January 15, 2009

Look for me Mondays at 8 p.m. and you’ll find me plopped on my futon partaking in my embarrassing, but completely necessary guilty pleasure: watching “The Secret Life of the American Teenager.”

Here’s a recap for those of you who aren’t as unhealthily obsessed as I am (That number is probably smaller than you think).

The show revolves around Amy, a painfully na’ve high school freshman who gets knocked up one time at band camp. Ben, an equally na’ve and doubly annoying freshmen, is Amy’s boyfriend turned husband, but not the father of Amy’s baby. Ricky, the school player, is the father of Amy’s baby. He is currently sleeping with the school slut, Adrian while dating Grace, the ultra-Christian, sworn virgin-until-marriage cheerleader. Oh, the drama.

“The Secret Life” is complete with horrendous acting and hard to believe story lines. It is ABC Family’s car accident that I just can’t peel my eyes away from. With the start of the second season (How did it make it to season two?), I have made a list of the top five most ridiculous moments:

5. When Grace’s mentally handicapped brother calls a prostitute (Stifler’s mom) and he pays her $200 to be his date for the night. Nothing happens, don’t worry… This is only somewhat ridiculous because one of the only scenes with decent acting.

4. When Ben confesses his love for Amy after about two weeks of dating… Oh, and he also pictures her in the hallways at school after she drops out hoping it will make her come back… How she doesn’t find this freaking creepy is beyond me.

3. When Ben and his best friend, Henry are on the phone with Henry’s girlfriend trying to guess who she fantasizes about when she flies solo. (They think it’s Shia Labeouf. Turns out, it’s really Henry.) Meanwhile, she’s in the car with her mom while she is having this conversation… This was at least amusing, but still a ridiculous conversation to be having with your best friend, your girlfriend and her mom.

2. When every single one of the high school characters goes to get fake IDs, which are being produced out of an empty classroom in the high school by a 16-year-old boy with a lisp. Each kid gets his or her picture taken through a hole in a large cardboard cutout of the same Nevada driver’s license. It actually passes as an ID so that Amy and Ben can legally get married… Sorry, just doesn’t happen, or all of us underclassmen would be buying our own beer for this weekend.

1. When Grace and Ricky are baking cookies together and Ricky seductively licks the dough off of Grace’s finger. She then nervously asks (on ABC Family mind you), “Does this count as oral sex?”… Seriously?

Sadly, she was, and so is this show. But if you can look past the absolute absurdity of it, I’ll bet that you’ll soon be joining me in my pathetic addiction.