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He’s just not that into you: Notre Dating

Letter to the Editor | Friday, February 27, 2009

In the real world there is a step between being perfect strangers and being in a relationship. This step is called dating, but Notre Dame guys have convinced us gals that this place is different from the rest of the dating world. If you hang out at least once a week, send texts to each other the rest of the time and have either never hooked-up or do nothing but hook-up, then you are “Notre Dating.”

The idea of “Notre Dating” was invented to make us girls accept that a guy won’t call, ignores you unless he has an SYR coming up and to pacify us by convincing that we are in a relationship – without the guy having to put in relationship level commitment or effort.

I have amassed a list of the common signals that guys send to girls to convince them that whatever they are doing is a relationship. Here are some signs that you are in fact not in a real relationship:

One:?If he doesn’t give you at least 12 hours notice. You’re telling your friends “he took me to the concert at Legends last night” but what you fail to mention is that he asked you via a text saying “I am walking by your dorm right now on the way to Legends, come down if you want to join.” I hate to tell you but this is not a real invite, nor is it a date.

Two:?If you only see him on weekends. Face it ladies, if a guy were really into you, then you would see him Sunday-Wednesday nights. Purposely meeting up with him every Thursday and Friday at Finnies or Feve (21 and over crowd only) does not dating make.

Three: If you only ever go over to his room. Sitting on his futon watching him and his roommates play Halo is not part of a functional relationship. This is a college campus. It is at most a six-minute walk from his dorm to yours (unless he lives in Carroll, in which case you must be a little flexible). If he doesn’t want to make the six-minute journey to come see you, it’s not worth sitting in his room listening to him and his buddies talk about their fantasy football/dorm co-rec basketball teams just to get some face time.

Four:?If he is a member of the football team, basketball team or the Undertones. These three sets of gentlemen are the most sought-after on campus, so don’t even


Five:?If he’s not hooking-up with you. Many Observer pages have been spent pouring over the idea of the Notre Dame “hook-up” culture. It exists. We acknowledge it. So if you have hung out with him at least five times and there has been no physical contact between your lips and his, then move on.

Six: If he’s only hooking-up with you. Just because this is Notre Dame doesn’t mean that every hook-up has a deeper connection. A booty call is a booty call. Next time he calls/texts, don’t answer. Find yourself someone better – unless you are only looking for a hook-up, in which case no judgment here … more power to you!

Seven: If you only see him in class. I don’t care how often you sit next to each other, if you have delightful little chats before every class, or have really bonded over how horrible the Prof is, if he is not asking to hang out with you outside of class then you are nothing more to him than a fun distraction for 50 to 75 minutes.

Eight: If he’s not taking you off campus This one does have a little wiggle room. Freshmen, I understand that it is very difficult to take your girl out. Sophomores to seniors, there is no excuse. I am not saying you need to be going to The Vine, a simple Chili’s or at least dessert at Steak n Shake outing would suffice.

Nine:?If he’s not putting it on Facebook. Yeah, he has taken over your wall, is poking you incessantly and gave you a “free-gift” on Valentine’s Day, but unless it says “in a relationship” – he is just not that into you!

Now, I am sure that there are those girls out there who will look at the list above as say, “well I know this girl and she dated this guy who did whatever and now they are really dating/walk around the lakes/are engaged.” But, as they say in the movie, those girls are the exception, and you are the rule. Everyone, say what you mean, mean what you say and lets put an end to “Notre Dating.”

Katherine McMackin


Cavanaugh Hall

Feb. 25