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Advice from a Scene Writer

Szymon Rzyner | Monday, March 2, 2009

After two strenuous semesters of devout contribution to The Observer’s Scene section, I have been tasked with providing some short advice on things related to pop culture and nostalgic college experiences.  This edition of Scene and Heard is going to be about how not to ruin Notre Dame for yourself.  Without further ado, I present an arbitrary list in no particular order:1. Never become a senior. This is very important, which is why I’ve put it first.  If you never become a senior, then you can’t graduate and you will have successfully avoided all the responsibilities associated with living a productive life in society.  Equally important, don’t stay longer than four years. South Bend slowly drains your soul away.2. Go to the DPAC. It’s a rather classy building brimming with art of every variety. The tickets are always cheap for students and the shows that go on in there are of the highest caliber. Weird foreign movies, student productions and world famous orchestras: they all come to the DPAC. Get cultured!3. Travel abroad.  It very well could actually manifest as the life-changing event some make it out to be, but more importantly it will be easy.  You will travel, make new friendships and sample all sorts of fantastic food – most notably spicy lamb shawarma.4. We are all children of the 90s (especially those that weren’t even alive in the 80s), so know the pop culture that shaped you! N’Sync, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, O.J. Simpson – all essential parts of the experience – know it, love it, buy a white Ford Bronco.5. Know your Internet humor. The Internet seems to be a greater source of comedy than most films have been in recent memory. This is what makes our generation unique to the ones that came before it. It’s not a trap.6.That’s what she said.7. Watch “Arrested Development.” It launched the careers of Michael Cera and Will Arnett and its episodes provide more jokes per minute than any other show I have encountered. “30 Rock” is also quickly developing into a humor powerhouse, so don’t you dare miss another episode.  You get bonus points for making it a social event, or a party, with chocolate covered bananas so it doesn’t feel like “watching T.V.”8.Pick a major you actually like, not one you think you should have.  Except for incredibly rare scenarios, the major you have after freshman year should not be the one you graduate with.9.Be secretly nerdy, or overtly nerdy.  People should know how many Cylon models there are. The previous statement perhaps dooms me to an overtly nerdy existence.10.Engage in a Viewpoint war. Please. They’re generally fantastic and a highlight of The Observer. I have been waiting all year for the annual Saint Mary’s/Notre Dame Viewpoint, yet here we are without any substantial animosity on either side. Let me be the first to say: Saint Mary’s sucks.11.Don’t pick at it, or it will never heal.Perhaps I could go on, but I have to go do work for the major that I wonder about selecting quite frequently. My time at Notre Dame has been excellent, and I hope you do whatever you can to live interestingly.  I wish you all many mistakes from which to learn, and remember that you will never be around as many different, unique and interesting people as you will have been in college. Take advantage of that.