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Stop LaFun PDA

Irena Zajickova | Friday, November 20, 2009

A terrible catastrophe has been plaguing Notre Dame for quite some time now, and no one is doing anything to stop it.

No, this isn’t a column about Charlie Weis. I’m talking about something even worse.
Obnoxious couples are taking Notre Dame’s much-discussed hook-up culture to a whole new level and using the LaFortune Student Center as their own private spot to kiss, make out and cuddle nauseatingly.

I was first made aware of this horrifying phenomenon when I saw a couple kissing, practically horizontal, in the tiny one-bench booth across from Subway.

Since then, I’ve seen people leaning across the table to kiss, getting up every five minutes to hug each other and — I am not making this up — a guy motorboating his girlfriend in the LaFun basement. This needs to stop. There are tons of people in LaFun actually trying to study, and unless Notre Dame suddenly made annoying me into a major, I really don’t think these couples are doing that.

It’s not like I’m shocked when I see this behavior in other locations. Fever or Finny’s? I’d be more surprised if no one there was making out. Outside of a dorm right after parietals? Understandable. But seriously, in LaFortune?

I’m sure all of the PDAers reading this are writing me off as a bitter girl who’s jealous because she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Okay, yeah, maybe I haven’t found my soulmate like you guys obviously have. But when I do, if I ever engage in gross PDA at LaFun, you have my permission to kill me on the spot.

I can’t even imagine that PDAing (yes, it’s a verb) in LaFun would be all that pleasant. You’re in a ridiculously crowded public place with people completely surrounding you. Many of them are probably making fun of you quietly to their friends. But maybe I just don’t know what I’m missing.

So the next time you feel the urge to PDA in Lafortune, take these simple steps:

1. Ask the people around you if they would mind watching you kiss your significant other while they try to study for an exam or write a paper. I bet the results will be overwhelmingly negative. If not, maybe Notre Dame has bigger problems.

2. Try to study without succumbing to these urges. Maybe there really is more to a relationship than the physical stuff.

3. If your hormones do get the best of you, find an alternate location. Dorm room, lounge, bench, behind a bush, wherever.

Just, please, not in LaFun.

And if you’re really desperate, Charlie Weis’ office will probably be empty pretty soon. You could go there.