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Zombieland’ Rules

Matt Brown | Wednesday, February 3, 2010

“It’s time to nut up or shut up.”

That about sums up the movie “Zombieland,” a bizarre mix of laugh-out-loud comedy, sound zombie advice and life lessons that somehow blend together and make one of the most entertaining movies I have seen in the past year. I cannot say enough about this movie; I came out of the theatre and had to massage my mouth because it was sore from laughing so much. Plus, as I mentioned briefly above, it has 100 percent legitimate guidelines for surviving the next zombie apocalypse that you find yourself in. Here are several rules to keep in mind as you sit down to watch this movie, released on DVD on Feb. 2.

Rule No. 1: Watch it with other people. You are going to want to have people you can talk to about it and quote it with afterwards. For days you will find yourself walking down the quad, remembering a part you need to share. Make sure you allow yourself a safe number of people you can contact.

Rule No. 2: Watch this with someone who has given thought to the eventual zombie apocalypse (it’s coming folks). Seeing their thoughtful nods as the protagonist Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) outlines his rules for survival may be as entertaining as the shockingly simple, yet beautiful in their simplicity, rules.

Rule No. 3: Enjoy Woody Harrelson in his best role since “White Men Can’t Jump.” Tallahassee (Harrelson) is endearingly insane with a childlike dedication to his search for a Twinkie and plain badass in his zombie destruction.

Rule No. 4: Watch for the cameo. Best. Cameo. Ever.

Rule No. 5: Get ready to laugh. The hits just keep on coming as the movie rolls on; one-liners, running jokes and situational comedy, this bad boy has them all.

The basic plotline is this: zombies have taken over the United States of America. There are very few survivors traveling the roads, all trying to get some place, to find relatives, to escape, or just to find a piece of past happiness. Our main protagonist, Columbus, is trying to get to … Columbus, and is traveling the highway when he meets Tallahassee, who is trying to get to… you guessed it, Tallahassee. The entire movie, we do not find out their real names, every person only being referred to by what city they are trying to reach. They continue down the road and eventually meet up with Wichita and her younger sister Little Rock headed to … you get it. Anyway they continue down the road together and make their way to the west coast with several small hiccups on the way. As they go, we get treated to the zombie kill of the week, some of Tallahassee’s favorite memories and how Columbus was first exposed to this terrible zombie plague, all of which are, at the very least, smile-inducing. Without giving much away, the girls make it to the park and manage to get into a bit of a pickle, leaving our intrepid hero torn between continuing his journey or riding to the rescue. Bottom line: Enjoy this movie, that is what it was made to do and that is what it does to the highest degree.