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Molly Madden

CARLY LANDON | Monday, April 19, 2010

I’d like to start this inside column with a disclaimer.  I am about to express why if I were a boy I would date fellow Observer staffer Molly Madden.  First of all, this is hypothetical as she is not interested in me nor I in her.  Second of all, although you may truly desire to date Molly, after reading this article, it might not be possible for you — sorry to get your hopes up!

Avid fans of the Observer’s inside column may have noticed Molly Madden’s increasing self-deprecation over the past few months within her columns.  Because I haven’t been able to respond within the viewpoint, I thought I’d take a chance in my inside column to point out the top 10 reasons why, if I was Notre Dame male, I would date Molly Madden.

            First, Molly has very few inhibitions and is very outgoing.  When I first met Molly, she was training me for the Observer and she instantly told me all about herself.  And even offered to lend me a book on the Beatles — she loves them.

            Second, Molly is hilarious.  Because there is so little she doesn’t want to share, she is funny even when she doesn’t want to be. 

            Third, it is very rare not to find Molly without a smile on her face. 

            Fourth, Molly is extremely witty and will challenge anybody.  Although this may scare some boys off, men would not fear.  Most men can handle a little heat.

            Fifth, Molly is a true Domer.  Though I will miss her dearly when I go away in the Fall to study abroad, she is staying on campus because she couldn’t bear to miss football season.  She didn’t miss a game this season, and when the weather got nasty, although many girls may have opted to leave the game earlier, Molly was there for the Irish through rain and shine.

            Six, Molly (excuse me for this) would be a cheap date.  Unlike many girls, Molly enjoys the simple things.  She’s bite-sized so it doesn’t take much to get her drunk, and she doesn’t eat too much. She also prefers to buy her clothes at Thrift Stores, which not only makes her appear cute and unique but also most likely saves the hundreds of dollars the rest of us are spending on clothes each year.

            Seven, she works at Reckers so when you’re out of flex points, she could hook you up. I’m just saying.

            Eight, Molly is one of the most loyal girls I know.   I’ve only got to know Molly this past year, and though she has wide pool of friends, she is a really good friend to each of them.  She listens and she doesn’t gossip or take a sick interest in the problems of others. I know a lot of guys are turned off by gossiping girls so this may be one of the most important qualities in making Molly a keeper.

            Nine, she’s pretty busy so she’d be pretty low maintenance and as a guy, you’d get to maintain a lot of your independence.

            Ten, good news: she isn’t looking for a ring by spring!