Dearest Pierce,

Reading your “Wanted: Valentine’s Date” (Feb. 7) ad brought tears to my eyes. I knew immediately, as if through a Divine message, that we are simply meant to be together.

I’d love to be your Valentine — for you to take me to Hot Box or Barnaby’s (although I prefer an all-you-can-eat buffet) and “spoil me silly!” cos I’m worth it! I’m already woozy with anticipation! My parents, too, are totally excited to meet you at JPW.

People always say that I’m a really special girl. I have a very large following in the yaoi community (I hope you don’t mind if I liveblog our date for them). Items on my bucket list include: competing in Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, going out with you on February 14th (can you believe I’ve never had a date on Valentines, either!), and building a miniature Notre Dame campus for my hedgehogs.

xoxox

That Girl You’ve Been Looking For

P.S. I hope you don’t mind prosthetic limbs.

Britt Burgeson

junior

Pasquerilla West Hall

Feb. 8