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How not to get a date for Valentine’s Day

Ankur Chawla | Tuesday, February 8, 2011

In response to yesterday’s Viewpoint article asking for a date for Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d give my fellow Domer’s some advice on what not to do if you if you’re still looking for a special someone to spend February 14 with. Here’s my top 10 list for how not to get a date for Valentine’s Day.

Number Ten: Looking like anyone from the Jersey Shore.

Number Nine: Talking to members of the opposite sex of how excited you are that Susan B. Anthony Day is February 15, the day after Valentine’s Day. While it does say you respect women, it also says you know when Susan B. Anthony Day is.

Number Eight: Wearing a Ben Roethlisberger jersey. No means No.

Number Seven: Pretending SDH is a romantic dining experience. Yes, the dining halls at Notre Dame are exquisite, and compared to those at most other universities may seem to some like a five star meal. Still, trying to take a date to the DH for dinner on Valentine’s Day is not the best idea.

Number Six: Texting everyone on your Dis-O T-shirt. The first few weeks of freshman year may have been fun and your stained white T-shirt covered in sharpie continuously validates your manhood, half of those numbers are either fake or the number of the girl’s local pizza hut (I’m talking to you, girl from my hometown thinking I wouldn’t recognize 926-5000).

Number Five: Sending yourself flowers, chocolates and cards. I’m sorry that you aren’t Glen Coco, getting four candy canes sent to you by your significant other(s), but sending yourself Valentine’s Day presents is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Number Four: Not looking like someone from the Jersey Shore. GTL.

Number Three: Asking someone out who doesn’t know you but who you know way too much about through Facebook stalking. Everyone Facebook stalks, that’s a fact of life, but by no means is it good game to ask out the person you see on your walk to Debartolo Monday Wednesday Fridays who doesn’t know you exist but you know every place she’s ever been employed and her favorite movies.

Number Two: Sending a letter in to Viewpoint asking for any girl to check you out on Facebook while your profile is private. And then suggesting ordering in Domino’s. Seriously, anything other than Gino’s East is weak. Sorry Pierce.

Number One: Not asking anyone out. While the odds may be against you that the girl you have a crush on in your Philosophy class actually wants you to ask her out, there is the possibility that she’s as anxious as you are to have anyone as a date for Valentine’s Day. And as the adage goes, you can’t get a date without asking anyone out … unless you’re an athlete.