Danny Kinasz and Julian DiMelis | Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Maybe the most important sporting event of our generation occurred Sunday, and just about no one noticed. Once in a lifetime the world is graced with the presence of an athlete that shifts the entire sporting landscape. Our world has been graced with two of these athletes. Rachel Alexandra and Curlin dominated the horse racing world like Alexander the Great dominated the known world. What do these two athletes with no equal do when they are retired from the days of competition? They make babies. That’s right, soon our world will be blessed with the love-child of these two great race horses. No longer will Earth be called the Home of Humans, but rather Earth will be referred to as Home of Super Curlin Mega-Alexandra, and a couple people. This got us thinking, what if humans were to do this? Imagine the possibilities. Albert Pujols and Jennie Finch? Move over Cy Young and Barry Bonds, we got a new record holder. LeBron James and Lisa Leslie? I’m thinking we have a 40-time consecutive MVP coming. Roger Federer and Serena Williams? Grand Slams would not even begin to describe their dominance. Tiger Woods and Annika Sörenstam? Future average 55 under par on a 70 par course (Yeah, that’s 15 strokes on 18 holes). The possibilities are endless. Just think if we can have real Coke taste with zero calories, then why isn’t this possible. We’re looking at you scientists. Until then I will refuse to watch these so-called greatest athletes in the world struggle with their weak genetic combinations. I want super athletes and I want them now.