Dear Man-Behind-the-Curtain-Who-Controls-Campus-Clocks,
Since March 13, I have been approximately one hour early to every single class. This is odd.
I inspired the white rabbit from "Alice in Wonderland," the one with the giant pocket watch that frantically utters, "I'm late. I'm late. For a very important date." Yes, I'm a member of Always Late Anonymous.
My tardiness could be counted as one of my leading characteristics. But, Man Behind the Curtain, you're single-handedly ruining my street cred. My O'Shaughnessy street cred. And that hurts. O'Shag street cred is probably the only street cred I have, both locally and generally.
What's at the root of all this angst, pain and identity crisis? Day Light Savings time. It never started.
In my beloved O'Shag, my hood, my block, we are perpetually one hour early. Because our clocks never "sprung forward." Most of campus probably forgot about Day Light Savings time, considering it started almost one month ago.
But Arts and Letters cannot forget. Because everyday we live with the fact that we were left behind in a disorienting wrinkle in time.
At first, I thought seizing our clocks was a joke: "Harhar, Arts and Letters majors are so slow and out of step with the times." If you're trying to say that the humanities are antiquated and out of touch, we've fielded that snarky comment before. But April Fools Day passed almost two weeks ago.
And really — our clocks? For a month?! Really?! The prank was already lame (and inconvenient). But at this point, that horse is dead. Put down the stick.
Outside of a sad sense of humor, I can't imagine why you'd deny the frequenters of O'Shag the correct time. Did you forget about us? If so, this is a friendly reminder that we're still here. Behind you. One hour behind you.
I don't know if you've stolen our precious hour out of a pathetic sense of humor or blatant insensitivity to the fact that we exist. But, I kindly request that you restore order to O'Shag.
Give us our hour! Or give us death! And by that I mean, prepare yourself to deal with the fury that mostly consists of angst and annoyance. But it is the fury of a community that is articulate, thoughtful and under-appreciated.
You don't want to take this fight to the streets. Because we will rep our O'Shag hood. The fight will get loquacious.
Consider yourself kindly petitioned, adequately warned and mildly threatened.
Sincerely,
Jess Shaffer
O'Shag Enthusiast
Jess Shaffer
senior
Farley Hall
April 13
