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The GreenMan rises

The GreenMan | Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Beloved readers,

There comes a time in every GreenMan‘s life when he must put down the pen and act. He must take up the mantle of a cause about which he is passionate and make it his own.

As many of you may know, I have been writing green articles for The Observer for a few years now, but I feel that I must increase my commitment.

In light of this realization, I, the GreenMan, will now be making public appearances!

Wait! Before you run off to jump in Stonehenge out of sheer joy or warn your energy-wasting friends of my imminent arrival, please allow me to introduce myself.

I was born like all GreenMen into a happy and nurturing greenfamily and felt myself quite ordinary. It wasn’t until third grade that I realized I was different. I was chosen to be “the tree” in the school play. I loved my role, and everyone told me that I played the best tree they had ever seen. In high school, I was a star running back, until the athletic association ruled that my natural ability to camouflage into the grass gave me an unfair advantage.

Without football, I found that my life had no direction. I was a green without a purpose. My fellow GreenMen were busy starring in TV shows like “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” professionally heckling the residents of the Vancouver Canucks’ penalty box and selling green vegetables. My life was empty, that is until I met the Dalai Lama.

He gave me some profound advice:  “Look inside yourself, there you will find your path.” Taking his advice, I looked down, but try as I might, I couldn’t see inside myself. All I saw was green, and then it hit me! I could be a symbol of hope for environmentalists everywhere!

Henceforth, I have been promoting the green movement with my Shakespearean writing skills, excellent dance moves and intimidating presence.

I was first drawn to Notre Dame by legends of another GreenMan living there. While the leprechaun wasn’t exactly what I expected, I love this place. From boogying at Hip-Hop night to jigging at football games, Notre Dame gives me so many opportunities to show off my dancing prowess.

My hobbies include: not talking, pinning everything green on Pinterest, long, engaging environmental conversations with Father Hesburgh (who understands my people’s unspoken language), dancing to anything from the waltz to the latest Skrillex single, casually unplugging unused electronics,  tablegating for ND Football (no self-respecting GreenMan owns a truck), greening (similar to your concept of tanning) in the beautiful South Bend weather and playing poker (I’m told I have a good poker face).

I think that covers all of the bases.  Keep an eye out for me at Green Events as we approach the Kill-A-Watt Dorm Energy Competition . . . I’ll be the green one.

Until then, stay green my friends.

The GreenMan

Email your predicaments to The GreenMan at [email protected] and let him answer you with a sustainable twist. The GreenMan will be here every other week to provide you with insights you never knew you were missing out on until now.
The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.