Keep Calm and Style On
Jessie Christian | Sunday, October 28, 2012
It has come to my attention that there is a disease that is spreading through pop culture like wildfire. The disease has plagued many well-known Hollywood starlets, and is slowly but surely starting to grow out of control. I say, with a heavy heart, that it has even begun to infect the minds of everyday individuals that once had hopes of living a normal life. Those hopes will forever be tainted by the disease, which will leave a permanent mark on their image. Join me, as we acknowledge and pray for those who have fallen gravely ill with a case of “Mane Madness.”
Symptoms: Scissor-happy | Addiction to bleach | Showing resemblance to one or more characters from Harry Potter
Current Condition: Critical
Let’s face it. The moment that Miley Cyrus put on that blonde wig to star in Disney’s hit show “Hannah Montana,” she was doomed to contract the “Madness.” What were once delicately laid, long brown tresses on the innocent adolescent girl, gradually transformed into the Frankensteinian image that we see today. Keep her in your hearts and souls, for we can only hope that the disease will pass and we will have our normal Miley back.
However, there are some fundamental traits that make this bold chop a bad choice for Miley, but could make it a good or bad choice for you. First of all, be conscious of your facial structure and skin complexion. This look is strikingly ghostly because of the similarity between Miley’s pale skin and the platinum blonde shade she chose to use. Try to stay away from hair colors that are too similar to your own skin tone, a combo that is generally referred to as the “washed-out” look, and is rarely executed successfully.
In addition to color, take the shape of your face into account when picking out a new cut. Miley’s face is round and full – two characteristics that often don’t work with short avant-garde cuts like this one. Narrower faces often work best with short cuts, while voluminous hair and bob cuts often frame rounder faces well. Still, every face is different, and so the best thing to do is to go to a professional stylist with an idea and/or picture references in mind for additional help.
Symptoms: Dye-addict | Hit or Miss hair
Current Condition: Stable
Rihanna has had a vast array of different hairstyles, so many in fact, that she has been honored with the title of the “fashion chameleon.” Most of the time she lives up to the title, sporting trends from the latest designer collections while being conveniently spotted by photographers wherever she may go. The world has become her runway, and people love to watch the fashion show. What most people don’t know, however, is that Riri has had an on-and-off struggle with “Mane Madness.” Currently she has subdued the illness, and we pray that this time it has been defeated for good.
If you want to be a style chameleon, the best way to try new styles without spiraling out of control is to focus in on what won’t look good on you, and then make sure you factor these things into the decision-making process every time. Rihanna, for example, is known to have a larger forehead and smaller facial features. Because of this, the styles that work best on her are those that conceal this area such as blunt cut or swooping side bangs. Since the days of her first album release, she has moved away from tight off of the forehead ponytails, and hair that has been slicked back. She still has her fair share of styling issues, but this is one that occurs less often. Find your stylistic don’ts and steer clear.
Symptoms: Scissor-happy | Dye-addict | Odd obsession with futuristic space life
Current Condition: Critical
Willow Smith is the youngest of our unfortunate bunch to have contracted this trying disease. Since the release off her surprisingly successful single “Whip My Hair” in 2010, the child of superstars Will and Jada Pinkett Smith has dealt with an undying strain of “Mane Madness.” Take preventative measures and don’t let this happen to the children in your lives. Hide the scissors, hide the dye, hide the mirror because “Mane Madness” is getting everyone out here – even children like Willow. She may not be able to relive her childhood, but we can only wish her the best on her future endeavors. No pun intended.
Willow has proven that some things just aren’t a good idea for anyone. Yellow hair? Not a good idea. Cotton-candy afro? Not a good idea. Skunk-inspired dye jobs? Not a good idea. Cornrowed hearts? Not a good idea. Preteen bowl cuts? Not a good ides. Stay away from these things unless you’re channeling your inner Willow, Nikki Minaj, or Dennis Rodman for Halloween, and frankly I would advise against even attempting that. Some may give her a pass because she’s young. I, on the other hand, find most of these styles to be a no-no at any age.
These celebs have indeed proven that “Mane Madness” is out and in full effect. Stick with these preventative measures, however, and you’ll be spared from enduring the same grueling fate. Keep it classy up top and have fun!
Contact Jessie Christian at [email protected]