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Too indecisive

Suzanna Pratt | Friday, November 2, 2012

I can’t make decisions.
I can’t decide if this column is the worst thing I’ve ever written, or if the two papers I handed in this morning deserve that honor. We’ll let my professors decide that one.
I can’t decide if I want to fast-forward to May so I can graduate and become a real person with a real life, or if I want to rewind to the start of freshman year and redo my entire college experience.
I can’t decide if I should get a goldfish or a potted cactus. I’d probably inadvertently kill both.
I can’t decide if I should put on a sweater and turn off the radiator in my room, or if I should pretend that climate change isn’t real so I can continue to wear shorts indoors.
I can’t decide if I want it to snow already so I can wear sweaters and scarves or if I want to transplant campus to a tropical island so I can go to the beach every day after class.
I can’t decide if I need to do laundry tomorrow or if I can stretch my wardrobe for another week.
I can’t decide which shoes to wear tomorrow. But I can tell you they will not be Uggs.
I can’t decide if whale sharks are real animals or if someone just made them up as a joke.
I can’t decide if the new Taco Bell in LaFortune is the best or worst thing to ever happen to this campus.
I can’t decide if there’s something unnatural about Notre Dame squirrels or if they are just really cute.
I can’t decide if I should get off the couch and find my laptop charger or race the remaining battery life. Yes, I am that lazy.
I can’t decide if I should go to the dining hall at 6:30 p.m. and brave the crowds or go to Reckers and be underwhelmed by the menu.
I can’t decide if I should go to Feve tonight or go to sleep before 3 a.m. in the morning.
I can’t decide if I should drink coffee or diet Coke for my next caffeine boost. I can’t decide if I should sleep through my first class tomorrow or sleep during my first class tomorrow.
I can’t decide if I’m jealous of everyone who’s getting ring-by-Thanksgiving-ed or if I would rather wait until someone financially-secure enough gives me a rock the size of my fingernail.
I can’t decide if our football team is actually any good or if arranging my Christmas schedule around a Jan. 7 game is just wishful thinking. Knock on wood.
I can’t decide if I should finish this column or delete it all and start over. Again.