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Trump’s universe

Troy Mathew | Friday, November 30, 2012

One of the most welcome changes following the presidential election (besides the freedom from political ads on TV) was Donald Trump slithering out of national relevance. I’m not quite sure how he got there in the first place, but it involved initiating the absurd “birther movement,” demanding President Obama’s college transcripts, openly proclaiming the death of American democracy following the election results and urging the American people to rebel.
Recently, Trump’s children visited him and reportedly urged him to tone down his political commentary, as it was damaging his reputation as a real-estate mogul and entrepreneur. While this was a noble effort, especially considering the Trump kids stand to inherit whatever the Donald leaves behind, it was a futile one. Trump is legitimately insane and his election-time antics made that abundantly clear. I just don’t think there’s such a thing as regaining your reputation after that.
Historically, a popular view of madness has been people who are mad argue right, but from wrong principles. That is, they logically form their thoughts from a set of principles and values, but the principles are insane and the resulting thought is insane. For example, Don Quixote adheres to a strict set of knightly ideals that govern his behavior, but he ends up doing things like fighting a herd of sheep. I feel like this definition of insanity does a pretty good job of summing up Donald Trump.
Trump made a “big announcement” at the end of October, in which he offered to give $5 million to charity if President Obama would hand over his college transcripts and passport application for Trump’s review. According to Trump, Obama’s past is more enigmatic than the ethereal, silver wisps of hair that adorn the top of Trump’s head. Also like Trump’s hair, the President’s origin is completely unclear, but is certainly not of this country, if even this universe.
One of the natural laws of Trump’s world is that something is true unless it can be irrefutably proven false. What’s more, Trump must see that proof for himself, on his own desk. In Trump’s universe, the POTUS has nothing more important to do than to hand over obscure documents to anyone who demands them. The president is subject to Trump’s wishes and must comply with those wishes in a timely fashion. Trump has full authority to give the president an ultimatum in order to gain documents, and possessing these all-important pieces of information will certainly unravel a massive conspiracy. Further, if the result of some process does not align with Trump’s personal beliefs, the process is inherently corrupt and should be overthrown.
When looked at through this set of principles, Trump’s deal with the president seems pretty logical. But there’s still that hair. Or rather, that swirling mass of hair-like substance with no ostensible beginning or end. I just can’t begin to imagine a universe in which that hair makes sense.