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Not your mom’s fashion columnist:

Gabriela Leskur | Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Oscars were this Sunday. If you’re not in the loop, it’s a night where people stand around on a red piece of felt and accept awards for pretending to be people they’re not – a time-honored American pastime. While doing this, they wear clothes. Here’s a blunt interpretation of this year’s Oscar fashions:

Robots Rule

Do you harbor an irrational fear that robots will soon take over the world? Your fears actually might not be too misplaced. Metallics took the Oscars by storm Sunday evening. Silver stood out on many a diva and hundreds of boxes of sequins were undoubtedly imported from the girls on “Toddlers and Tiaras.” The prime example of sparkly-metal prowess Halle Berry was in prime form, donning a glittering Versace gown that somehow made looking like a robot cool.

A Star is Born

The slew of cool, robotic silver gowns contrasted nicely with a sprinkling of warm, rich dresses. The stars of our world mirrored the stars in the sky, twinkling under the bright lights as they walked around in stunning, sunny gowns. On the opposite side of the metallic pallet from Halle Berry, Best Actress winner Jessica Chastain glowed in a lovely gold ensemble created by the humble Italian designer Giorgio Armani.

I See London, I See France…

No, you don’t. But man, is it tricky to decipher with nude fabric. Sandra Bullock strutted her beautiful self in a mermaid gown that left little to the imagination. Amidst black sparkling lace, which gave the illusion of scales, nude paneling prompted a double take in certain areas. However, when done right, nude can be sassy and classy. Even though you wish you could see more, Sandra Bullock does it right. (For more double takes, see Anne Hathaway’s dress.)

Wrap Your Comforter Around Your Body and Call it a Day

Jennifer Lawrence is the Kristen Stewart you’re allowed to like. She’s talented but a little ditzy, making her all the more loveable. She tripped up the stairs on her way to accept her Oscar for Best Actress, she joked about pre-gaming her post-Oscar press conference with a shot and best of all, she somehow took her comforter and made it into a dress. Wait, sorry, Dior somehow took her comforter and made it into a dress. Yet she still looked stunning. If I’m asked to a Yacht Dance (fingers crossed) then I just might forgo the usual search for a formal gown and create my own instead. If Jennifer can do it, why can’t I?

“I Like Your Beard”

Dillon’s Stash Bash may be over, but those of you with a penchant for facial hair need not fear. The Oscars suggest that perhaps tasteful facial hair will not scare off the ladies. Maybe Ke$ha speaks the truth. Oscar winners Ben Affleck and George Clooney sported classy beards that screamed, “I just won an Oscar. Get on my level.” With rumors of a beard revival already on the rise due to the success of Affleck, Clooney and our own beard-wielding student body president-elect Alex Coccia, don’t be surprised to see beards popping up around campus soon.