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Gastelum: Top 10, not amateur hour (April 12)

Andrew Gastelum | Friday, April 12, 2013

This is one of those ideas that have been stewing for a long time. Or I’m just a writer in search of a topic.
But I could go ahead and write about soccer. After all, it ends wars. But after Champions League and Manchester United turned the English Premier League into a snoozefest like a day game at Petco Park, there’s not much left.
Or I could do the typical “Spring is here, I love baseball and sun dresses” shtick. Sadly, it is probably a few days too late to talk about the most entertaining NCAA national championship game in my lifetime and the celebration cannons that made Rick Pitino hit the deck. And, yes, the Masters are this weekend, but I refuse to talk about Tiger until he cops a green jacket from Rory a la Shooter McGavin in “Happy Gilmore.”
So here goes the universal idea that is sure to get me no hate mail (looking at you Clippers “fans”). It’s about SportsCenter, but this is no cop-out.
I consider myself a pretty green person – like Notre Dame in the Big East basketball tournament -and I try to save electricity as much as I can like the Superdome during the Super Bowl. But SportsCenter is where I break that rule like I’m The Game or Busta Rhymes. It’s always the first thing I turn on in the morning and the last thing I do before going to sleep. It’s on when no one is in the room, when I’m in class.
It’s something I take seriously because it keeps me in the loop in a world where I can’t afford to miss a day. In high school, I would wake up at 5 a.m. so I could get in my hour-long fix before heading to class.
So, that’s why I have a bone to pick with you, SportsCenter. The adage “saving the best for last” actually applies to SportsCenter because of the precious Top 10. Seeing the Top 10 pop up on the sidebar keeps me through watching the Connecticut Sun vs. Indiana Fever and from switching to Netflix for 22 minutes of “Parks and Recreation.” Even those annoying “Coming up next: SportsCenter Top 10″ teases during the first commercial break keep me from switching to ESPN 2 for some PBA Bowling.
But really, SportsCenter, you’ve gone too far. That’s right, “Who do you think you are? I am.”
The past few weeks, I’ve had it up to here (pretend I’m Hasheem Thabeet reaching to grab something off the top shelf) with the order in the Top 10.
I don’t want to see little Jimmy making a half-court shot with his eyes closed and one shoe untied in a YMCA game between the Elkhart 76ers and the Muncie Heat. As a matter of fact, I don’t even want to see a Division III version of Blake Griffin jumping over two guys and throwing down an East Bay Funk while eating a salami sandwich.
What I want to see is LeBron James run the full length of the court to swat a shot off the backboard and then do the Soulja Boy afterward. I want to see Mike Trout jump over the wall and into the bullpen while he makes a catch and gets carded by an off-duty police officer.
I just want to see Top 10 plays from Top 10 leagues and players.  
Then, there’s the highlight of my week: the Not Top 10.
If you have any dignity, SportsCenter, show Carlos Boozer losing his as he cup-checks a referee AFV-style, not some slip-up in my sister’s volleyball game that could end up on “America’s Funniest Home Videos.”
In fact, that’s all I want to see. I want to see all our favorite athletes that run the world like its Mount Olympus mess up. Just the fact that it’s Jim Larranaga doing a remix of the Ali shuffle or Nick Young forgetting to take the ball with him on a layup makes everything better.
I want to see all that, along with Mark Sanchez still being shown as the top Not Top 10 play with his Thanksgiving fumble.
So, yes, I know “This is SportsCenter,” but this is my Top 10 and I want it back.

Contact Andrew Gastelum at [email protected]
The views expressed in this Sports Authority are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.