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Lorton: Nothing beats a ‘mock’ draft (April 24)

Isaac Lorton | Wednesday, April 24, 2013


Draft week is my favorite week of the year. 

It is like Christmas morning for me when Roger Goodell stands up on that podium and announces the draft picks.

The best part of draft week is the uncertainty of it. No one will know if a pick is good until three, five, maybe even 10 years down the road, and the enormous hype created about this uncertainty is just so exciting. When millions of dollars are on the line, I’m saying to myself, “Give him a 100-plus million dollar contract based on one year of his college career.” In my mind, marquee college players deserve that. It is their payment for not being paid in college. They played hard, proved themselves and put their bodies on the line for four (sometimes three, but usually one or two) years. And what did they get out of it? A college education. Who uses that anyway? Then if they want, they can retire nicely on the guaranteed money from their contract without ever taking a snap. 

Do I feel bad for the superstar junior who returns for his senior year and has a less-than-stellar year and his draft stock drops? No. His junior year must have been a fluke. He should have entered the draft when his stock was the highest and collected his money. Clearly his college education didn’t help him. 

I just love predicting what is going to happen and seeing who goes where. Like the “experts” Mel Kiper, Kirk Herbstreit, Todd McShay and Adam Schefter, I have spent the past three months looking over every factor, and I mean every factor, which could make or break a pick in the NFL. I do this because in five years, I want to look back and be able to tell everyone I was right. I want to be able to say to someone, “Remember when I picked him and you didn’t?” And with his head held extremely low, like Eeyore wearing one of Flavor Flav’s necklaces, he will say, “Of course I remember the draft. Everyone remembers the drafts. You were right, I admit it.”  

So like every other year, I have looked at every minute factor, crunched the numbers, consulted my ouija board, fortune teller and therapist, and have come up with my top-five picks. 

1. Kansas City Chiefs

With the first pick of the 2013 NFL draft, the Kansas City Chiefs reselect Vince Young from the University of Texas and then the Tennessee Titans and Philadelphia Eagles. Young was so good he had two Pro Days at Texas: one in 2006 and one in 2013.

2. Jacksonville Jaguars

This is a tricky one. I think the Jaguars will actually trade this pick to the Jets for Tim Tebow and 5,000 Jets fans. It is a win-win for everyone. The Jets can draft one of the many NFL-ready quarterbacks in the draft and disgruntled Jets fans can go to a place where they don’t have to share a stadium. The Jaguars will get the QB of their dreams and have a fan base of at least 5,000 people. 

3. Oakland Raiders

I am 90 percent sure the Oakland Raiders will take Usain Bolt with the third pick of the draft. The Raiders love speed and finding talent where no one else sees it. He may not be able to catch, but we will see. No one else has this projection, but don’t be surprised when Bolt’s name is called.  

4. Philadelphia Eagles

The No. 4 pick will be Michael Jordan. When the Eagles predicted themselves to be the “Dream Team” of the NFL, they were a couple of years early. They had to wait for Jordan to announce his retirement from owning the Bobcats and his wish to play in the NFL. He has already played baseball and basketball, he is a proven winner and he was part of the original “Dream Team.” There is only an upside in drafting Jordan. 

5. Detroit Lions

The fifth pick of the draft will be Herschel Walker. Walker is a freak athlete. Even at 51, he is still more beastly than most people in the NFL. After his 13-year career in the NFL, he decided he would become an MMA fighter. After beating up everyone he possibly could, he made a statement saying he could still compete in the NFL. Detroit liked what they heard and thought Walker would be a great addition to the Lions’ already scary, arguably-abusive defense.

Now you know. You’re welcome.

Contact Isaac Lorton at [email protected]

The views expressed in this Sports Authority are those of the author and not necessarily those of the Observer