I might be the only person in America who takes issue with Drew Brees.
Watching him throw for 413 yards and four touchdowns Monday night to lead the Saints to victory against the Dolphins reminded me of my annoyance - Why can't more football players be like Drew Brees?
I have watched the Bears' parade of "quarterbacks" since the 1990s and have been quite underwhelmed. Most recently, the Bears have insultingly tried to tell Chicagoans that Rex Grossman, Kyle Orton and Jay Cutler are quarterbacks.
We're onto you, Bears management. We don't know what those chumps are, but we would like you to find a real quarterback. We would like our own Drew Brees.
It's not going to happen. I have finally realized how truly special Brees is to the Saints and to New Orleans, and it's because of qualities few football players bring to the table.
There is a reason they call him "Breesus." You know, like Jesus.
Brees is clearly one of the best quarterbacks of all time. In 2011, Brees set the record for NFL passing yards in a single season with 5,476. Brees moved into sixth place on the all-time passing yards list Monday and should pass Warren Moon to move into fifth place before the end of this season. And at the age of 34, Brees still has some time to play.
Brees also sits sixth all time in passing touchdowns with 334 touchdowns. Brees is just seven touchdowns behind Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and eight behind former Vikings and Giants quarterback Fran Tarkenton.
But that's not even what makes him the most Breesus-y.
He led the Saints to their first Super Bowl victory in franchise history in 2010. The win came after years of the team being called the "Ain'ts" and generally failing at being a good football team. That would be enough to get any city excited.
Oh, and the victory came less than five years after Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans. Brees and the Saints brought a little triumph and pride back to a resurrected New Orleans, which cemented the relationship between the team and the city.
Since then, Brees has been one of New Orleans' greatest ambassadors. Actually, he is probably its only ambassador, given the corrupt state of politics in the city. I couldn't tell you who New Orleans' mayor is, so for all I know, it actually is Drew Brees.
I wonder how many write-ins he gets on the ballot each election.
Don't worry, though. Brees isn't just good at playing football, being a quasi-mayor or inspiring an entire city recovering from a natural disaster. He does charity work too - and has taken graduate business classes from Stanford to help him do it.
His Brees Dream Foundation has contributed more than $17 million to cancer research and charities that work to improve patients' quality of life.
A lot of NFL players never finish their degrees, and this guy took graduate courses at Stanford. So he could be more charitable.
Just when I think football can't get more hopeless and I'll have to become a Saints fan, I see that Wrangler jeans commercial - the one with Brees and his family.
We get it, Drew. Your family is adorable.
Why do other quarterbacks even try? They've got nothing on Brees.
It is annoying to football fans who aren't from New Orleans. First, other cities don't get the joy of celebrating Mardi Gras, and then you're going to tell their teams that you're keeping Brees, too? It's not fair. Hey, New Orleans, other cities would like some happiness.
You can't have both Mardi Gras and Drew Brees.
Contact Samantha Zuba at szuba@nd.edu
The views expressed in this Sports Authority are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.
