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Sports Authority

Sant-Miller: Athletes to kick it with for a day (Mar. 6)

| Thursday, March 6, 2014

It’s always fun to analyze athletes’ skills and abilities and make projections about their performances on the field. It’s also entertaining to fantasize about LeBron James playing football or your favorite team making some big blockbuster trade. You know what else is fun? Thinking about what professional athletes you would want to kick it with for a day. While you ponder that, here are some of mine.

Chris Bosh: This is for two reasons. One, he is the best third wheel in professional sports. It’s always clutch to have someone like that around. Two, you can’t pass up the opportunity to see a real dinosaur in the flesh.

Brian Wilson: My beard would get better just from being in the presence of his.

Derek Jeter: For you ladies: He’s a stud and a classy guy. Is he not what every girl wants in an athlete crush? For us fellas: Attractive women flock to his presence. Beautiful women would surround you night and day.

Roy Hibbert: He was in “Parks and Recreation”. Ipso facto, he met Ron Swanson. Need I say more?

Alex Morgan: See Derek Jeter. She’s the female version.

Marshawn Lynch: I love Skittles. Need I say more?

James Harden: See Brian Wilson.

Usain Bolt: Imagine getting a piggyback ride from the fastest man in the world.

Nate Robinson: Think about it. You could hang out with a NBA player … and be significantly taller than him.

Johnny Manziel: Sign here for a good time.

Tom Brady: With his Uggs sponsorship and these frigid South Bend winters, my feet would never be warmer.

Rob Gronkowski: El es fiesta.

Kevin Durant: If I played two-on-two with him on my team, he would let me take more shots than him (Come on Westbrook. You should have learned by now.).

Justin Tucker: He can sing opera in seven different languages and I could use a little more high-culture in my life. For best results, hang out with Tucker after Manziel to maintain equilibrium in your life.

Meta World Peace: Everyone loves a good oxymoron, and here we have oxymoron in the flesh.

Victor Cruz/Jacoby Jones: I’m 22 and I still need to learn how to dance. Feel free to check YouTube for their moves for further clarity.

Chad Johnson:  See Rob Gronkowski. Johnson could help me with my Spanish.

Anthony Davis: I heard he is the foremost authority on the subject of cosmetology. It’s always cool to meet the best in a field.

Alex Smith: For those of you who don’t know, Smith graduated from Utah while majoring in Economics. With a 3.7 GPA. In two years. Clearly, he’s good at graduating and I’m going to need all the help I can get in a couple months.

Yasiel Puig: Just in case I ever need to drive somewhere quickly.

Mike Tyson: My Bengal tiger has been acting up lately and I think I need advice on how to train him better.

Chris Paul: If I hang out with Chris, maybe I can be lucky enough to meet Cliff Paul, State Farm superstar.

So, that’s my list. Hopefully, by now you’ve finished compiling your list and are ready to start reaching out to your selections on twitter.

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.


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