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Looking for dates

| Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Dearest Single and/or Taken Ladies of Notre Dame,

The season is upon us once more. We refer neither to Michigan’s failures nor astronomical expectations for this football season, but rather that most sacred bye week tradition:  SYRs. This coming Friday, the studly Ramblers of Siegfried Hall will don our horns and invade the Monogram Room to celebrate America: Land of the ‘Fried, Home of the Brave. In other words, ‘Merica y’all.

There is, however, one problem — well, two actually, but in this case we’re not talking about communism. Despite an aggressive Tinder campaign and extensive survey of ChristianMingle, our search for dates has thus far been fruitless. Due to Feve not occurring until Thursday, we’ve taken our search to that most romantic of locations: The Observer.

When people discuss the crowning moments of their lives, they often recall their weddings or the birth of their children. These people have clearly never attended a Siegfried SYR. There will be music (Hint: starts with “Shake It,” ends with “Off”). There will be so much dancing you’ll think you walked into High School Musical. There will be food. Most importantly, there will be the four of us, donning our golden badges of Resident Assistant authority (or lack thereof), marked by our boyish charm, rugged good looks and award-winning smiles.

So ladies, the ball is in your court. Come one, come all, if for no other reason than we don’t want to have to take each other. Only the first 50 applications will be accepted, so apply quickly. Tweet and/or DM all application materials to @SiegfriedRAs. Group applications welcome.

Turn Down For Parietals,

Quinn “Guys, I Have A Girlfriend” O’Heeney

Tom “Thomas” Ridella

Matt “I Hope We Don’t Get Fired for This” Miklavic

Taylor “Gatsby” Roberts

Siegfried Hall RAs

Sept. 15

The views expressed in this Letter to the Editor are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.

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