Erin McAuliffe | Tuesday, November 18, 2014
As someone who only recently unfollowed the stars of “Dance Moms” and still follows a fake “Gossip Girl” account for the flawless pictures of S and B, I am no Instagram connoisseur. However, I have come upon a few realizations about celebrities’ accounts and their subsequent lifestyles.
In true Miley Cyrus style, her Instagram account can’t be tamed. And, in honor of her 2008 hit, here are seven things you are sure to find in your feed everyday if you follow her.
- Fans’ photo edits of her face onto everything imaginable. Her as an exasperated toddler Photoshopped over North in Kim K’s arms. Her, along with some aliens, in Edvard Munch’s iconic painting “The Scream.” Her riding a cloud shaped like a unicorn.
- Wayne Coyne, Flaming Lips frontman, Miley’s BFF and fellow subject of numerous photo edits — usually placing his head on Miley’s less-than-clothed body.
- Floyd, her late dog that she will #NeverForget #RIPFloyd.
- Bubba Sue, her pet pig with painted nails — hooves?
- Aliens in various forms: her in a green alien morph suit, her face on a Telletubby and alien faces covering her chest.
- Rainbow, Lisa Frank-esque trippy anything and everything: a holographic floral phone case hanging up on what looks like a Wal-Mart display, her sub-par notebook doodles and photos of her Dirty Hippie collaboration with designer Jeremy Scott from Fashion Week.
- Slo-mo videos of her dancing, usually in a onesie, to “Turn Down For What” … I may or may not have done my own version of this one.
Unlike Miley, Beyonce will go days without gracing your feed with her presence, but when she does she goes all the middle of the night Dec. 13, 2013 — dropping all her pictures at once in a “Flawless” fury so “Pretty (it) Hurts” leaving you “Jealous” of her “Superpower” and life, aka “Heaven.”
She’ll hit you with four pictures of Blue Ivy and her at the Eiffel tower or six pictures of Solange’s regal, Pinterest emblazing wedding that took out the idea that the bride should be the only one wearing white like it was Jay-Z on an elevator.
Beyonce also uses Instagram to remind us that her life and family are #flawless despite media rumors. She shut down haters after the infamous elevator incident by posting multiple pictures of Solange and her embracing and laughing. In July, she affirmed her happy marriage during divorce rumors by posting a picture of Jay-Z and Blue Ivy on the beach with the caption “My favorite hue is Jay-Z Blue” — quoting Young Jeezy’s and Jay-Z’s 2005 hit, “Go Crazy.”
Oprah has a minimalistic Instagram technique. She posts only the most perfect pictures of her with celebrities, vegetables and Warby Parker lenses. I tried out this technique myself, but unfortunately the picture of me wearing my Warby Parkers with some broccoli and carrots at the dining hall I did not get 59,323 likes.
Mindy Kaling’s Instagram feels like her life — hilarious, glamorous and somewhat overwhelming. She seems to have the perfect blend of work, gorgeous dresses and makeup and fun, as well as sassy food commentary. As the relatable celebrity she is, she’ll post a picture of her ordered-in Chinese, McDonald’s breakfast spread or unfinished green juices — usually accompanied by captions like “Did I disappoint you or leave a bad taste in your mouth?” or “ I hate it, I hate this life.”
Taylor Swift Instagrams pictures of cats (or her in a robe with pictures of cats on it), her lyrics written out on paper, polaroids and Band-Aids and her friends. Her list of friends includes, but is not limited to: Kate Upton, Amanda Seyfried, Lorde, Karlie Kloss, Lena Dunham, Emma Stone, Sarah Hyland, The Queen of England, Sacagawea and probably 1,989 other influential females.
Try out some of these techniques yourself and maybe a picture of your latte will get 451,574 likes à la Taylor Swift or Photoshop yourself on the top of the Golden Dome and title it something like “golden dope” to get your ratio up to Miley’s standards.