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Executive’s cabinet

| Thursday, April 16, 2015

ExecCabinet_WEBEmily Danaher | The Observer

Election season is upon us once again, and with it comes the whirlwind of articles praising and decrying the battlefield of candidates who hope to become the most powerful person in America. Fortunately, I am not a Viewpoint writer, so I am not interested in trivial points such as candidates’ stances on economic and foreign policy, but rather the matter of greatest importance: their fashion sense. If we can’t trust a candidate to dress while under stress, how we can possibly trust them with the presidency? Here are the highlights of 2016’s candidates:

Hillary Clinton

The current frontrunner for the Democrats is also a frontrunner in D.C. fashion, as she has been making waves with her no-nonsense style for quite some time. Hillary has rocked the pantsuit since her husband was president, and does not appear to be willing to change this look anytime soon, thereby showing her strong traditional and conservative values. She also has been seen a number of times wearing dark sunglasses inside, a move that increases her mystique in the eyes of the fashion community. What could she be hiding? Is it another private email address? Whatever it may be, Hillary is unafraid to experiment new hairstyles in public, rocking everything from hairbands to scrunchies on the campaign trail. Just as Hillary is basically unopposed for the Democratic nomination, she is unopposed in fashionability.

Jeb Bush

Although he hasn’t officially declared his presidential bid yet, the younger Bush brother is one of the better dressed contenders for the Republican nomination. In his most recent video about Clinton, Bush can be seen wearing a simple, classic navy polo shirt and glasses. With this style, Bush makes it clear that he’s not an elitist, uppity D.C. politician, but rather an elitist, uppity Florida governor pretending to be an average American and not part of a political dynasty. This is a look Bush has been trying to develop for some time, as a number of his Twitter posts show him embracing the “suit with no tie” look, a style that also shows Jeb Bush is a modern man and a visionary who is in touch with citizens. While the younger Bush may not have his father’s amazing fashion sense (have you ever seen his socks?), he’s far from being the worst dressed Republican candidate.

Ted Cruz

The worst dressed Republican candidate. The man who shut down the government also appears to be a man who shut down any desire for style. As was pointed out in a recent Jezebel article, Cruz does not seem capable of wearing any clothes that fit him whatsoever. If he’s not capable of dressing himself, how can he possibly be capable of running the country? It gets worse though: Cruz has in fact worn cowboy boots with his suit in public. Is Cruz trying to get the Republican nomination or a role in the next Clint Eastwood film?

Rand Paul

As noted by Mother Jones, Rand Paul is a turtleneck aficionado. In spite of this tragic styling decision, Paul has somehow managed to rock dad jeans in a way no other candidate seems to be capable of. Dad jeans are an important tool in any candidate’s arsenal and show a commitment to comfort over all other factors. For this firm decision to stick by his values of comfort in the face of hardship, Rand Paul receives my support.

Marco Rubio

Marco Rubio has a very good shot at being the Republican candidate, and his fashionability only enhances his opportunity. Rubio very rarely diverges from the traditional dark suit with a bold tie, just as he very rarely diverges from his Tea Party views.  Simple, classic and presidential, Rubio’s style represents a man who is ready to take on any and all contenders. Unless, of course, he gets thirsty.

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About Jimmy Kemper

Scene writer, Economics major, and Seinfeld enthusiast

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