Mr. ND woos the women of Walsh Hall
Kelly McGarry | Sunday, October 4, 2015
Last Thursday, I went to Washington Hall to support the women of Walsh Hall at the annual Mr. ND pageant (read: find bae). The contestants introduced themselves by detailing their perfect date and their opinion on Pluto’s bump from planet-status, resulting in many mentions of South Dining Hall, an invocation of “size doesn’t matter” and references to Pluto the dog.
Setting aside my dismay at their misinformation and unoriginal jokes, I sat back to enjoy the talents of men from every dorm on campus. Bae was found quickly when the first to perform his talent, Mr. Alumni — who had earlier described his perfect date as “Recker’s, Thursday 3 a.m., she swipes” — demonstrated his extreme athletic ability by shoving a large slice of pizza and a full banana in his mouth and swallowing.
I was swept off my feet by the talents of the remaining contestants. The only other place I’ve seen so many heart throbs is in chick flicks, which made me consider the Mr. ND contestants most suited for some of my favorite chick flicks:
- The Leonardo DiCaprio in “Titanic” Award goes to Mr. Keenan, who brought up a lady from the audience to draw like one of his French girls.
- The Kevin Bacon in “Footloose” Award goes to Mr. Dillon, his tank top and dance moves … also he looks a lot like Kevin Bacon.
- The Anna Kendrick in “Pitch Perfect” Award goes to Mr. Keough for his iPad mash-up.
- I have been informed that “Pokémon” is not a chick flick, so Mr. St. Edward’s, who sang and played the ukulele in a Pikachu onesie, walks away with nothing.
In addition to thoughts of “Pitch Perfect,” I was inspired by the DJ skills of Mr. Keough to think of some mash-ups that would get the Mr. ND contestants collaborating:
- Mr. Carroll’s poem about his love life, written by his friends, rapped over Mr. Keough’s iPad-produced beats.
- Mr. Fisher, winner of the Least Likely to Sweat the Technique Award, break-dancing to Mr. Stanford’s classical piano masterpiece.
- Mr. Knott drawing to Evanescence’s “Bring Me to Life” was a little intense, but I think he’d draw softer lines to Mr. Zahm’s acoustic rendition of “Baby Got Back.”
- Mr. Sorin may need to brush up on his ribbon-dancing skills before accompanying the beautiful harmonica work of Mr. Morrissey.
You may have noticed that I have yet to mention Mr. Duncan. That’s because, like the Mr. ND judges, I only wish to mention him in honorable terms. His booming voice and intense patriotism fit his rendition of Toby Keith’s “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue” perfectly. Standing tall in his Navy ROTC uniform, he took the cringe-worthy “Which branch of the army are you in?” question like a champ.
Mr. Dillon was named Mr. Walsh, Mr. Zahm was named Mr. Fan Fave, and Mr. Siegfried took the coveted title of Mr. ND, charming the judges with his original piano piece about the joys of being an RA. Finally, all 15 contestants share the Most Obnoxious Friends Award, which definitely needs to be taken into account when seeking bae.