The truth about (my) Inside Columns

No one will tell you this, but writing a column is difficult. Every time it’s my turn to write one, I die a little inside because I never have any good ideas. The process with this column is no different.

You may think that my past works have been wonderful, inspirational even. While I can’t entirely disagree with you — if I don’t support myself, who will? — I can tell you that it takes me forever to think of something to write about. Eventually, I give up, and you get some nonsense about my freshman year experience that is really just tragic if you think about it.

So here we are with this column. I waited too long to sign up for a time slot within my department. I haven’t had enough time to let an idea brew. Instead, we’re here in the third paragraph with nothing of importance written. Let me run some ideas by you instead.

 

Things I have said that my friends have tweeted.

The most notable instance as of late: “‘I haven’t been awake long enough for my vocabulary to level up.’” Was it my proudest moment? No. Is it something I stand by? Yes, 100 percent. Moving on to the next idea.

 

Things my roommates have said.

Something one of them said just now: “I spent my weekend sitting on a mini fridge throwing mints at people and yelling, ‘Merry Christmas!’” I was there. It is true. Not much else to tell.

 

Things my little sister has said.

My sister Katerina is almost eight years old. You’d think we have one of those cute, mother/daughter relationships, but that’s not the case. Instead we walk around public spaces, she calls me mom and people wish many blessings on our family, i.e. that of the struggling teen mom.

Katerina’s latest favorite thing is to call me a heathen with “a very low mind.” How does a child have so much power? The world may never know.

On to the final idea.

 

I don’t have a final idea.

My creative juices have been exhausted if you can even call those other ideas creative. I really peaked with my last column about the Scene Selections, and I’m OK with that. All good things have to come to an end eventually, and that last column is the end of my good, opinion work.

Unfortunately, it is not the end of this piece because I haven’t hit the required word count yet. I’m so sorry. If you’ve made it this far, I applaud you. I definitely would have stopped reading by now.

If you have any recommendations for my future columns, please send them my way. I’d greatly appreciate it. But please keep it PG-13.