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Mid-semester ranks

| Wednesday, February 27, 2019

The countdown begins. After this column, I only have four more to write before I graduate. Fortunately, I have planned the last four in sequence. That means this will be the last chance to rank the things I either never had a chance to rank, or that would simply not be worthy of an entire column. From the serious to ridiculous, these are the mid-semester ranks before the final columns begin:

Mass songs

  1. The offertory song
  2. The closing song
  3. The entrance song
  4. The Eucharist song
  5. The Psalm

I have been heretical before, so nothing is stopping me again, but the Psalm is easily the most boring of all the songs with a terribly repetitive nature and no good beat. The entrance and Eucharist songs are largely forgettable except the Eucharist song is sometimes “Table of Plenty” or “Ubi Caritas” — which both slap. Although basic, the closing song does often include “Canticle of the Turning,” whose grandeur I cannot deny. Coming out in the top spot though is the offertory song when the table is prepared as it does not require me to stand, but instead lets me sit back and sing a great rendition of “Taste and See.”

Off-campus housing

  1. Those actual houses on Willis Street
  2. Wexford Place
  3. Other actual houses (e.g. Notre Dame Avenue, East Washington Street)
  4. Irish Crossings
  5. Irish Row/ Irish Flats
  6. Legacy Village
  7. Those four ROTC guys who live in Pasquerilla Center
  8. Dublin Village

I am a huge fan of the actual house if you are to live off campus because I feel like they are more personal and the cost completely makes up for the shortcomings. I will say though, I love Wexford Place and how spacious they are for how affordable they come out to be as well. Crossings sits right in the middle as I think they are fine but nothing super noteworthy. Flats and Row are actually the same thing and the extremely minor differences do not call for the vehement objections I often hear that one is way nice than the other. Legacy is alright but lacks personality and the cost is absolutely ridiculous to justify living there. I hesitate to include Dublin Village as their existence is questionable at best.

Things people have asked me to rank

  1. The tailgates at the last football game
  2. “The Office” Christmas party episodes
  3. Not a ranking but somehow do an exposé of Dippin’ Dots
  4. Their different dance moves
  5. The types of channels in a neuron during an action potential

This list should tell you that not everyone is cut out to rank things. Of these, the only one I really considered was the tailgate one as I think it would be a heartfelt send off for my final football season, but I could not come up with enough creative lines to justify it. “The Office” episodes idea was good, but I spend like 15 minutes max on these columns normally and could not watch them all again. The Dippin’ Dots and dance move ones intrigue me, but too niche to actually include. Finally, asking to rank channels of an action potential makes me fear for future healthcare if these are the kind of suggestions doctors of tomorrow are making in my Neuroscience classes.

Graces I know

  1. God’s grace
  2. Grace Hall
  3. Grace Lattner

Although normally heretical, I have to give it up for God’s grace in this column as the big guy upstairs has blessed me in a lot of ways. Grace Lattner is probably my best friend who goes exclusively by the name Grace, but even she cannot compare to those wraps especially when you add the bacon on them. Sorry Lattner, not everyone can beat a custom wrap.

My Viewpoint Editor

  1. Mary Freeman

This is my last column ever sending into Mary, who has edited every single column I have ever published. Mary was the one who originally published my first two Letters to the Editor, hired me as a columnist and has worked with me ever since. I welcome the new staff, whomever they may be, but in a brief glimpse of seriousness in my columns, I will miss having Mary to remind me to send my columns in with an email containing profanity so I knew it was her. Don’t let this get to your head though, Mary — you’re still a little nerd.

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.

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