Who wants to go to Dome Dance?

When Dunne Hall was announced as Men’s Hall of the Year last year, I had about a minute to celebrate before my friends from around campus talked to me about taking them to the prestigious Dome Dance. How do you decide who to take though? I’m far past my freshman year where the idea was to take someone you kind of like but aren’t confident enough to actually tell them, so you invite them to a generic dance and leave disappointed. As an RA, I also do not have the pressures to think about who can mesh well with my friends in a crowded double anymore since I have to be the snitch now. This dance will be different though. I am taking applications for anyone who wants to go to Dome Dance. Are you a senior and this is your last chance to go to one? Are you a sophomore business student who has nothing better to do? This is your application. Dudes can apply too, I have taken two of my best guy friends to previous dances before (thank you Matt and Connor). I do not discriminate on anything except these criteria:

1. Squatting

This is important because although I am not the greatest dancer, I am quite good at popping and dropping it on the dance floor. A great dancer would obviously be preferred but if you can bring it down low in the squatting motion, that’s truly the only dance motion I need since it is virtually all I can perform.

2. Style

You may think that Dome Dance is a simple affair to dress for. I say incorrect. There are thousands of guys I can pick from that will wear their simple charcoal suit and a similar amount of girls who wear the long dress that looked good at prom. I want outside-the-box thinking. For 100 Days Dance, I wore a Canadian tuxedo; an entire suit made out of denim. Surely this is not the most creative outfit, but something of that nature. I like outside-the-box thinking.

3. Fighting Spirit

Unlike other dances you may have attended, going with an RA means you have to undertake some hall staff duties. The one thing I can never do — unfortunately — is physically harm my residents. That can change with a good date however. Where we may have to enforce rules together before the dance, you may do so with force while I cannot. Think of you like my sword, my shield and my date.

4. Payment

When it was unclear if freshmen could bring dates, some were scheming with upperclassmen to reserve a spot with them for a small monetary fee. I am not opposed to the idea except I would not prefer money. Payment in the form of my favorite food: chocolate-covered raisins, sushi or brisket would do well. If you somehow could get me el pastor tacos from King Burrito back home in Portland, Oregon, that would be an automatic, guaranteed spot. If you want to spice up your application, consumable gifts would surely help. Some food for thought.

5. Boat One Mentality

If you have not heard already, the organization for the first unofficial Senior Week festivities this year was electric. Many felt they were unfairly left out of the first boat and had to settle for the lesser second boat or, dare I say, even the third boat. I don’t want peasants accompanying me on this magical night, so I will only be taking people within my boat social class which so happens to be boat one. For those that are not a senior, rest assured. You do not need to physically be part of boat one, all I require is a boat one mentality.  Handmade top hats, mink coats and/or anything a beaver had to die for sound preferable.

6. Hardline stance on the murals

I do not care if you are extremely angry with University President Fr. John Jenkins’ decision to cover the murals that celebrate Catholic heritage or extremely happy that we are no longer displaying a murderer in the same capacity. I want a hot take on either end. No one wants someone boring, and I want there to be a chance you do something eccentric like cover the mural in rabbit’s blood or bow down to them when we enter. No one wants an “I can see both sides” kind of date.

7. No Experience

On a serious note, I would prefer people who have never been. Dome Dance surely is a Notre Dame bucket list item, and I want many people to experience. Luckily Walsh and Keenan basically win every year so the pool to choose from is quite large. There is also no better way to compliment a new dorm than to have someone new to the Dome Dance scene.

8. In-person Interview

If you still want to spice up your application, you can meet me sometime this weekend for an in-person assessment. On Thursday, I will be at Bengal Bouts then I have a standup performance at Legends. After that, I will probably be at one of the many Valentine’s Day parties. On Friday, I will most likely do the classic Crossings house before Old Finnies Senior night. If you really want to impress, I am going to Indiana University on Saturday for the night. If I see you in Bloomington, that would look very good on an application.

My email is at the bottom of this column. If you have an interest in Dome Dance, tell me why you would be a good applicant and maybe even send your resume. A decision will be made Feb. 15, a week before the dance to give time to plan your outfit. Hope to hear from you.