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A shallow dive into songs about Marias

| Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Since you’re here, I think you know this about me. If not, here’s the obvious: my name is Maria. There are many good things that accompany the name. It’s relatively short. It’s easy to pronounce. It has treated me well. But there are a few downsides, including but not limited to being in a room with other people named Maria. What’s the worst, you ask? All the songs about Marias.

While it is an honor to be memorialized in so many ways and so many styles, frequent serenades with the same tunes are less of one (with the exception of my best friend’s mom. Hi, Mrs. Maginot!). “Maria” from “The Sound of Music,” “Maria” from “West Side Story” and “Ave Maria” only do so much to lift my spirits (aka not much at all).

I made a short playlist of songs with Maria in their titles. Here’s hoping my research will result in some new Maria classics that can be thrown into the serenade mix.

“Maria” by Blondie

Though the lyrics of Blondie’s ode to Marias are a little sketchy, it has a pretty sweet guitar solo. If your rendition of this song doesn’t include some kind of guitar mimicry, pass on this option.

“Maria Maria” by Santana, The Product G&B

Again, kind of creepy lyrics, which is panning out to be an unfortunate theme. Carlos Santana really brings it on this song, though, and it mentions “West Side Story,” a lovely homage to the classic Maria song.

“Maria I’m Drunk” by Travis Scott, Justin Bieber, Young Thug

Just an honorable mention because the lyrics are so bad, but you need to know this song exists.

“Maria” by Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber really goes for it in this poor “Billy Jean” recreation, making up for his involvement in the previous travesty. I just need to give him props for trying and also tarnishing my name. Is this technically slander? Unclear. The song still slaps, though.

“Dear Maria, Count Me In” by All Time Low

The discovery of this song contributed to me peaking in middle school. Looking past that, I just made the connection that this song is about a stripper. I only have a few regrets about loving it. Maybe don’t sing it to a Maria, though.

“Maria Me Ta Kitrina (Maria With the Yellow)” by Sarantis

This is the first song I have any recollection of hearing with my name in it. Unfortunately, the Greek classic is a little too spicy to really be meaningful. The first verse has the following translation: “Maria with the yellow / Who do you love more? / Who do you love more? / Your husband or the neighbor.” Four-year-old me did not have to go as hard as she did to this song, but here we are.

“My Maria” by Brooks & Dunn

Good news, everyone! We have found one pure song about Marias. Miss me if you don’t come through with the high-pitched singing of my name. This country ballad brings the love and my laughs.

After this important and necessary research, I’ve come to the conclusion that if you feel compelled to sing a song with my name in the title, stick to one of the classics. I think we’d all be happier if you chose a One Direction song, though.

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.

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About Maria Leontaras

Maria Leontaras is a senior at Saint Mary's pursuing a student-designed major in Interactive Journalism with minors in mathematics and Journalism, Ethics and Democracy. Maria used to serve as the Editor-in-Chief of The Observer when she wasn't busy tweeting about movies and One Direction.

Contact Maria