Roman Catholic Church (RCC ®): brand proposal
Mike Donovan | Friday, January 31, 2020
The Problem: Data and Context
After a series of negative “reports” from various “media outlets” exposed best-practice violations within RCC®’s organizational structure, it appears the firm’s brand popularity has declined among consumers aged 18-24. According to Nielsen* survey data, 36% of consumers in the age bracket consider RCC®’s brand “outdated” with an additional 12% describing the brand as “actually pretty f—–.” Conversely, only 3% of consumers in the age bracket “stan” RCC®’s brand with a mere 0.8% going so far as to call the brand “kinda lit.” These figures (considered alongside the failure of RCC®’s 2019 multimedia campaign, “Collars Popping Off”) suggest RCC®’s current, guilt-based branding scheme might be incompatible with market trends.
Revitalizing the RCC® Brand: Christ is Content is King
RCC® has always held that Christ is King. And, for most of the firm’s history, this cherished Christ = King identity was universally accepted. It wasn’t until 1996, when Mr. William “Bill” Gates published his groundbreaking essay “Content is King,” that the Christ = King identity met a worthy challenger. Consumers, torn between two forces of attraction, posed the question: If Christ is King, how can Content also be King? There can’t be two kings. That’s crazy talk!
The Christ vs. Content conflict raged for years, dividing consumers along binary lines — content marketing’s equivalent to the Cold War. Families were split, sanities were lost and for what? The answer: a simple misunderstanding. RCC® wasn’t wrong. Christ is King. But Mr. Gates wasn’t wrong either. Content is King too. What everyone failed to see is the third identity underlying the two competing statements: If Christ is King and Content is King, then Christ must also be Content.
Christ = Content = King
This #revelation, which permits RCC® to use Christ as Content, opens the door for a major brand overhaul. RCC® can now, via content marketing strategy, Feed your Soul with the Content you Crave,™ turning every Pardon into a ParFun! ™.**
Project ParFun!: Recommendations
- Deep Fried Jesus
While traditional images of the Christ-figure perform extremely well among select portions of the consumer base, they remain largely invisible to a Gen Z population increasingly concerned with memes and meme-related content. When Gen Z focus groups were asked to choose between (1) looking at a really super funny deep-fried meme or (2) freeing their families from Nielsen’s data-driven torture chambers, the overwhelming majority (95.6% of respondents) chose to look at the deep-fried memes. Based on these results, we believe “deep-frying” traditional images of the Christ-figure and pairing the “deep-fried” images with popular (and culturally relevant) meme content will boost brand engagement among the 18-24 cohort exponentially.
- White Clawmunnion ™
As we move toward 2020, consumer data illustrates a significant downward trend in overall Gen Z engagement with RCC®’s staple offerings (table wine + old guys in robes). Countering this decline in the popularity of table wine + old guy is an unprecedented uptick in Gen Z engagement with the younger, sleeker combination of White Claw® Hard Seltzer + friends. Consumers aged 18-24 are now 69% more likely to spend their Sunday mornings at Rich Uncle’s Shore House drinking White Claw® Hard Seltzer with friends than they are to spend their Sundays in St. Whathisname Parish, drinking table wine with old guys in robes. Foresight Forecasts, however, predict RCC® can shrink the 69% engagement gap via strategic partnerships. If RCC® substitutes table wine with White Claw® Hard Seltzer at weekly meetings, the firm can attract younger customers and cut the engagement gap in half.
- CruciFest ™
Guerrilla memes and updated product offerings in place, the only other thing RCC® needs for total-brand-domination is control over the hottest influencer-focused, experiential marketing event of the year: CruciFest ™. Modeled after the great influencer-gatherings of our day, CruciFest ™ will be everything the 18-24 demographic expects from full immersion music and arts festivals but with a classic RCC® twist. No spoilers! Annual CruciFest ™ celebrations are guaranteed to blow up social media, drawing all eyes to the whimsical mystery at the heart of RCC®’s brand identity. People will either flock to CruciFest ™ or post relentlessly about how they’re just dying to go.
By leveraging the above content marketing strategies, all of which leverage prevailing consumer sentiment in the 18-24 age demographic, RCC® will regain much needed market share in the devotional sector. With market share comes resources and, from resources, leverage. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.
*Figures fabricated according to the highest professional standards.
**Standard indulgence fees apply.
The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.