Something wicked this way comes
Mariah Rush | Thursday, April 30, 2020
When terrible things are happening, I personally tend to try to make light of them. Maybe it’s not the best coping mechanism, but I find humor to be an excellent way to try to get through these times. With that said, I’d like to discuss some of the types of entertainment and pop culture we as a society will be forced to endure A.C. (After Coronavirus).
This one is a given. I’m picturing a movie starring those kids from ”Riverdale” that follows what occurs when a Tinder date between two unsuspecting lonely souls turns into a quarantine match made in heaven. Of course, this couple will have their troubles — Karen will hate that Tanner plays Fortnite while she’s trying to do yoga, and Tanner will hate the Tiktok dances Karen does in their one-bedroom quarantine apartment in Los Angeles. But in the end, they will learn more about each other than they ever expected to and fall in love. Coming to theaters near you!
The ‘Contagion’-esque HBO mini-series
This one’s for all the intellectuals at home. HBO will pilot a high-budget, medical-term ridden mini-series that follows doctors and scientists desperately trying to find a cure for coronavirus. It’s inspired by “Contagion” but draws out the medical-lingo and prays on the PTSD of viewers watching.
The star-crossed lovers teen novel
Shout out to Romeo and Juliet because those tragic idiots inspired this one! Here’s a direct reading from the brightly-colored aesthetic book jacket: Zoe was just a normal 15-year-old obsessed with My Chemical Romance and “Doctor Who” when she met uber-popular football player Jake during a meet-cute in their school cafeteria. What started as a mild flirtation escalated when Jake realized Zoe was different than every girl he’d ever known. But then tragedy strikes! COVID-19 starts ravaging the Earth. The lovebirds realize they should be concerned about the millions of people in danger because of a lack of income, immune system and the government’s incompetence, but what could be more important than their love? Read on to discover just how far these lovers will go to sneak out of quarantine to be together.
The TV comedy that follows the lives of a group of white friends in New York during the pandemic
This is your average “Friends” and “How I Met Your Mother” group of quirky friends, plus a twist — they’re in the time of coronavirus! Watch these wacky individuals maneuver their way through the Big Apple trying to cope with stubborn boomer family members, an essential worker job, newlywed and newborn drama! Think “Sex and the City” meets “Friends!”
The Disney Channel family drama
I’m picturing a “Modern Family” mixed with “Good Luck Charlie” television show for all those angsty tweens stuck with their families. Step into the hijinks of a 25-person family stuck in a 10-bedroom house with only five bathrooms. Wow, what a wacky scenario!
All jokes aside, I am interested in this one. This documentary will follow the lives of the people who didn’t believe in the virus and ignored quarantine orders. Yep, the ones protesting for their “liberties.” Netflix will buy the rights to this one, and it will win an Emmy for Outstanding Documentary or Nonfiction Series. It will likely be backed by the Obama’s production company.
A pandemic album
Think the Lonely Island’s comedy meets a hipster spoken word album. An artist will surely vocalize their quarantine woes through a lyrical demon that will be force-fed to us. We will think it’s funny, but the artist in question is deathly serious — the singer needs their pedicure and haircut, and this 10-track album is the product of their frustrations. Listen if you dare!
The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.