Scene selections: our dream ticket
The 2020 election has arrived and Scene writers have made their dream fictional presidential tickets!
President Lil Baby and Vice President Gunna
By Ryan Israel, Scene Editor
Come 2021, the White House will “Drip Harder” thanks to the inevitable presidency of Lil Baby and Gunna, the pair of musical virtuosos most deserving of the country’s highest office. Lil Baby and Gunna’s collaborative spirit and team-first ethic, showcased on the joint album “Drip Harder” and standout single “Sold Out Dates,” make them the perfect pair. They have a proven track record as individuals who can get stuff done when they work together, but they have also reached milestones on their own; 12 songs off Lil Baby’s 2020 album “My Turn” reached the Billboard Hot 100, earning him a spot alongside Prince and Paul McCartney for total number of hits on the chart, and Gunna’s 2020 album “WUNNA” features the simultaneously best and worst cover of the year.
Lil Baby emerges over Gunna as the leading candidate due to his political activism. His single “The Bigger Picture,” released during the George Floyd protests, calls out police brutality and systemic racism, one of few protest songs released this year that demonstrated any staying power. And it wasn’t just talk; Baby was an organizing force at an early rally in downtown Atlanta. In all seriousness, Lil Baby’s remarkable rise is a bright spot in a dark year, and in less seriousness, he and Gunna have my vote.
President Selina Meyer and Vice President Jonah Ryan
By Jake Winningham, Associate Scene Editor
If the past four years have shown us anything, it’s that it’s time to retire the notion of the celebrity president. No Trump, no Oprah, no The Rock and (please God) no Kanye. We have moved past the need to elevate our celebrities to the highest office in the land — in fact, we must take it one step further. I’m talking, of course, about electing fictional characters.
I humbly nominate President Selina Meyer and Vice President Jonah Ryan to continue the work they started on the recently-finished HBO comedy “Veep.” Their apolitical, party-agnostic profanity serves as a necessary corrective to the stances of their television rivals; the spineless we-can-all-get-along fantasy propagated by Jed Bartlet of “The West Wing” is no match for the “Jonad Files.” In their prurience, their rampant misogyny and racism and in their all-around moral destitution, President Meyer and Vice President Ryan have absolutely no business running in 2020. They’ll fit right in.
President Oogway and Vice President Remy
By Nick Brigati, Scene Writer
Time and time and again humans have shown that they are not fit for the office of the presidency. We as the people of this great nation are tired of crooked politicians and the unscrupulousness of Capitol Hill. Because of this, I propose we turn to other members of the animal kingdom, and there is no better creature for the job than President Oogway and Vice President Remy.
Serving as senior master of the Jade Palace and protecting the Valley of Peace against the forces of evil, Oogway has displayed an innate leadership ability very few other candidates before him have shown. His running mate, Remy, has invaluable experience as head chef of Gusteau’s — one of the most acclaimed culinary destinations in the world. In the words of the wise chelonian himself: “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” With Oogway in the Oval Office, Americans can rest assured that their leader is focused on the issues of America today, with the intent of creating a better one tomorrow.