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Appearances

| Thursday, March 11, 2021

Yeah, I seem to have it together. But I don’t.
Yeah, I declared a major.
But I am not sure. 

Yeah, I smile.
But I am not happy.
Yeah, I am quiet.
But so many thoughts run through my mind. Yeah, I seem to have it together.
But the inside is under lock and key.
To keep up appearances. 

Wouldn’t it be nice to hear somebody ask,
“Are you okay?”
and give you a hug 

And you don’t even have to say no because they know you so well. But I say yes.
Just to keep up appearances. 

I put up a million masks,
so you won’t know what I truly feel. When around you
I smile,
make jokes,
but all I really want is for you to say, “I love you”
or,
“I care about you.”
But I don’t say it aloud.
Just to keep up appearances. 

A laughing emoji,
to disguise tears.
A smiley emoji,
to change the direction of my fake smile. Fake it till you make it. 

If I text you,
I can hide it.
But if you call me,
my voice will betray me. Texting is fine.
Just to keep up appearances. 

One day I will break.
One day I won’t know what I am studying. One day I will cry.
One day I won’t know what my purpose is. One day I will scream.
One day.
But for now,
I keep up perfect appearances. 

The worst part — I’m OK with it. 

Sylvia Garcia is a first-year and can be reached at [email protected]

Show Some Skin is a student-run initiative committed to giving voice to unspoken narratives about identity and difference. Using the art of storytelling as a catalyst for positive social change across campus, we seek to make Notre Dame a more open and welcoming place for all. If you are interested in breaking the silence and getting involved with Show Some Skin, email [email protected]

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.

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