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Lovesick

| Monday, September 20, 2021

It is that time in the semester where I find myself contemplating my relationships and feelings. I have never had the best of luck with love and my vocal “I hate men” agenda — which is true 90% of the time — doesn’t help. So I thought, what better to do than expose the shitshow that is my love life to hundreds of strangers and to those of you who know me — no you don’t.

I won’t bore you with the high school tales of heartbreak, cheating and firsts: first kiss, first love, first break-up up and more. Instead, I’ll bring you up to speed. My first year I met a guy — it is important to note that it started with us following each other on social media. Now, first-year me is so far from who I am today, and I don’t know what led me to this, but I texted him. A couple of texts later, trying to get to know each other, and I had made a friend. A cute one at that. I was excited, my first year was rough and now it was the spring semester and I was talking to a cute guy who I got along with. That was, until COVID-19 hit. I got sent home in the spring and after some text and one in-person encounter, we stopped talking. I think it was for the best, because this boy was a flirt. While that’s not that big of a problem, bestie was problematic. As much as I tried to look through the field of reg flags, I kept coming back. It was a risky game because, to this day, I don’t know if he had ever had a girlfriend — oops. Don’t hate me, I really didn’t know and let’s just say things were toxic, but guess what … We are good friends now. He had a 360 degree turn, I promise. And we truly did have things in common and liked being together — it just wasn’t in my best interest to date someone so self-centered and a bit chaotic, since I am content with the own chaos of my life. To sum up this experience, it made me wary of guys: Were they all this stupid and arrogant? Am I just too much of a raging Taurus to handle? Whatever it was, this left me lovesick, and I didn’t think about guys or dating for a hot minute.

A couple of months later and I’m on a date. I know, I could have eased into things a little more, but I was back for the fall semester: new aesthetic, new hair and no feelings for anyone else. To my surprise, it was a guy who messaged me first and asked to go out. Yes, I know, “stranger danger,” but this guy was in a meeting I attended once — at least that’s what he said — and it was pretty convincing because I ended meeting up with him for lunch. It was all going great: He was older, smart, tall, handsome and we had similar interests. Things were looking up for me, I was doing well in class, enjoying my sophomore year and talking to a good guy — who, from what I knew up to this point, was good. That lasted a total of three weeks. We had been texting here and there but had not met up again due to our busy schedules. One day during finals week I get a text saying “I have to tell you something,” a hundred possibilities ran through my head of which maybe two were bad — I was too optimistic. I come to find out that night that he had a girlfriend, and he didn’t think it was important information that I should have known until then. Easy to say I was enraged. He obviously wasn’t “the one,” and we were very much not official, but if my boyfriend asked another girl to hang out alone, obviously trying to hide it, and was texting her for a couple of weeks, I would not be OK with it. I was not about to be in the middle of a couple’s fight, even worse be the cause of it. I blocked him, and to this day have not spoken to him — hope y’all are still together bestie, promise I’m not manifesting your downfall.

This brings us up to speed, and with this update, I think you will start to see a reoccurring theme in my love life. I mean, I don’t think I’m the problem, how am I supposed to know — I think this goes to prove men are the problem. I recently began talking to this guy that I had come to meet this year. He was tall and handsome — like every story goes — but he and I were very different and didn’t have many interests. We both enjoyed one another’s company, and I’m not gonna lie, I was starting to like him. He was really sweet and caring, which seems to be rare around these parts. Neither of us had asked one another about our relationship status but I took his flirtiness as being single, as I thought he took mine as well. Well, to my surprise, he had a girlfriend. You have got to be kidding me; I’m two for two and maybe three for three if I ever find out about the first guy. This was the last straw for me — what is it with me and guys who are taken? I don’t even know what to say. Yet again, I have been bamboozled by a guy with a girlfriend and, yet again, I am left lovesick. I am gonna have to see how long I stay away from men this time, and see if the next guy I happen to like also has a girlfriend. Knowing my luck, he probably will. For now, I am living my best life men-free, because here, we hate men, but I’ll leave y’all with some tea. The first guy I mentioned, who also happens to be the only one who hasn’t confirmed his relationship status with me — reached out this semester. So, who knows? Maybe I’ll just have a heart-to-heart with him and maybe things will work out. I’m not here to scare you or say that love isn’t real, because I know many people and have friends who are in great relationships. What I am saying is my love life sucks — and men are trash.

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.

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