It most definitely is a stereotype, but I always rank my teams based on their mascots. The NFL is home to 32 different teams across the country. For a multibillion-dollar industry, there are simply too many franchises with terrible team names and mascots and I am sick of the same 10 animals being reused, especially when there are so many options out there. I have weeded out my top five mascots that never were to replace some of the worst named franchises in NFL history.
5: The Texans become the Mutts.
Who doesn’t love a good pound dog? Known for being rough around the edges but ultimately lovable, mutts are a perfect mascot that has never been. I was originally tempted to put “the Golden Retrievers” but that doesn’t have the same ring to it. The Texans are arguably the worst team name in the NFL; It lacks both creativity and spunk. Not only are the Mutts a perfect team name, but it can bring attention to the growing number of strays in Texas each year. Picture this, every game, a local shelter fronts a few pups to have the spotlight. I promise you: After a few television appearances, adoptions will go through the roof.4: The Packers become the Foxes.
I was shocked to hear that the Foxes were not already a team mascot. Foxes are sly and clever, the perfect combination for a stealthy team. What are the Packers anyways? They are in desperate need of remodeling. I am sure I am going to get some flack with this one as any fan of Green Bay I have met would kill for their franchise, but I honestly do not care. The Foxes are better than the Packers by a mile.3: The Raiders become the Dragons.
I know that the Raiders have a devout fan base, but you cannot be the team of Las Vegas and have such a mundane name. The Dragons fit the city much better. With high school teams, it is typical to make the dragon’s color red. I believe there is no need to transition the colors, and the Las Vegas Dragons can remain a sleek black and silver.2: The Jets become the Coyotes.
Despite living in New York my entire life, it was only when I was sitting down writing this article that I realized coyotes live in the state. The Coyotes are most definitely a better team name than the Jets. Not only that, but as of the moment, the Jets do not have a mascot. The Jets have not made the playoffs since 2010. Any football analyst will tell you that is due to their terrible franchise name. With a change in mascot, I guarantee the New York Coyotes will take it all the way.Honorable Mentions
The Bengals become the Long Island Bagels.The Chiefs become any other mascot that’s not cultural appropriation.
The Chargers become the Venom.
1: The Oklahoma Oxen
Oklahoma is in need of a football team. When I picture Oxen I think of two words: big and stubborn. Just like an offensive line. Oxen led the pioneers out on the Oregon Trail. It is our time to properly recognize the work the oxen have done in American history. I argue that we commemorate this by giving them their very own football franchise. Plus, the Oklahoma Oxen just sounds too perfect to not include.
The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.
