A Definitive Ranking of the "Twilight" Movies

I will be the first to admit that I was obsessed with the “Twilight” series in middle school. And by middle school, I also mean throughout high school. I saw them all premiere at midnight and I was a diehard Team Edward girl. On my 13th birthday, almost every gift I received had something to do with “Twilight.” And although the sound tracks for the movies were always amazing, my obsession was pretty bad.  

Even though I have (mostly) grown out of that phase, I still find myself enjoying the movies every now and then; they’re my guiltiest pleasure. Here, I have ranked them from worst to best so that if you ever find yourself wanting to watch a trashy movie, you can make the decision wisely.

5. “New Moon”

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that “New Moon” is easily the worst in the series. Edward leaves, so Bella sits and stares at a wall for literally months, moping around. Then she becomes a “daredevil” because she can see him whenever she does something stupid because Edward is so controlling that she sees him instead of, I don’t know, maybe her parents, when she gets on the back of a motorcycle. Edward, on the other hand, decides to expose himself to the world so that the vampire leaders — the Volturi — will kill him. And by expose, I mean he walks out in the sun, shirtless, with his spray-painted abs and sparkles. In the end, they get back together. Not Hollywood’s finest work.

4. “Twilight”

This movie is 90 percent close ups and Bella biting her lip. Then they make out in the woods and spew some very romantic lines about being a lion and a lamb. But hey, Edward stops a car with his hand to save him, so that’s pretty romantic, right?

3. “Breaking Dawn Part 1”

Of all the movies, I remember this one the least. Although it really makes me want to go to Rio to dance in the streets and buy my own private island where I can go swimming whenever I want, nothing really happens. Bella gets pregnant and then there’s an hour of the other vampires whispering about what to do and Bella drinking blood. The last five minutes, everything goes nuts and Edward literally bites the baby out of her and then bam — Bella’s a vampire.

2. “Eclipse”

The ultimate Team Edward versus Team Jacob movie. Taylor Lautner takes his shirt off at least 400 times, if not more. The wolves promise not to harm Bella but the vampires are like “dude, no, we can’t trust them, they’re literal dogs.” Bella cries a lot because she “loves” both of these supernatural beings. The Volturi come to deal with the situation, and Dakota Fanning rocks as a vampire. She’s the most important part of this movie.

1.“Breaking Dawn Part 2”

This is a true masterpiece. Spoiler alert: the fight scene is amazing. There’s no fight scene in the book, and when I saw this in theaters, everyone was screaming when it started. Edward and everyone important die and we were freaking out. Turns out, it was just a vision that Alice has and then prevents. Doesn’t stray from the book, but gives us all the action. Then they live happily ever after as vampires. Sure, Jacob falls in love with an infant, but other than that it’s truly amazing.

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.