Scene Selection: Dome Dance duds

Every Domer has their day; if only every Domer had their taste. Each year, the Dome Dance offers Hall of the Year winners a chance to dance to horrible music in a prime location. This week, Scene picks out the looniest tunes in the show.

 

“Wagon Wheel” by various artists

by Jack Riedy

Look, if your idea of romance is calling somebody “mama” and asking to be rocked, that’s your business. Don’t do it in public, and especially don’t do it with a dreary tune based on a chord progression so unoriginal that pointing it out has become its own cliché. Which version of “Wagon Wheel” do I hate? I don’t know. I can conceive of no universe in which a performer can redeem this composition’s inherent mediocrity. Of course, that hasn’t kept this song out of constant rotation in DJ playlists for the past four years. No Notre Dame evening would be complete without a gaggle of tax shelter Connecticut residents indulging their inner cowboy. At least “Hoedown Throwdown” has a beat you can dance to.

 

“Wonderwall (Club Killers Remix)” by Oasis

by Mike Donovan

As “Closer” squeaked toward its coda for what seemed like the tenth time tonight, I was visibly relieved. Anticipation took hold, as I waited for the next song. Would it finally be something to which I could earnestly jam? Would it be something I could enjoy without tarnishing my hard-earned hipster credibility?

Then it slapped me. The progression was unmistakable. First, came the E minor, followed by the G, the D and the A suspended. The oft quoted meme rushed into my mind: “Anyway, here’s ‘Wonderwall.’” This time, though, there was no amateur quad guitarist to be found, nor was there any Gallagher-esque instrumentation. Instead, a thumping club beat accompanied Liam’s heavily autotuned voice. My friend, noticing my panicked demeanor, smirked with his all too familiar — “Look, Donny’s hipster gears are grinding!” — face.

“Wonderwall” on its own would have been painful enough, but that night’s DJ found a way to take it to new levels of memehood.

 

“Hello (marshmello Remix)” by Adele

by Jimmy Kemper

Soft.

 

“4'33"” by John Cage

by John Darr

Clears the dance floor every time.

 

“Cupid Shuffle” by Cupid

by Erin McAuliffe

It happened to me on Saturday. There I was under the religious paintings adorning the dome at our Hall Of The Year reward dance, naively praising the DJ’s merits for a Big Sean to Migos transition when “New Cupid” was shouted over the speakers. All of the happiness and dance moves were instantly drained out of my being.

Ten years after its release, “Cupid Shuffle” is still played at every Notre Dame dance.  Which makes sense: Its lyrics are just “to the left/right/down” so no choreography or creativity is required. It’s the “Mr. Brightside” of the dance floor: Everyone knows it or can at least can keep up and partake in inclusive, nostalgic revelry with friends. Plus, it is a step above “Cha-Cha Slide,” an even more severely pre-choreographed “jam” that dates back to memories of grade school father-daughter dances.

Let’s all recognize that the Cupid Shuffle is no longer a “brand new dance” and Cupid does a sub-par job as he “represents for the dirty south.” It’s 2017, play something off “Atlanta.”

 

“Closer” by The Chainsmokers

by Kelly McGarry

I remember when “Closer” first came out, being vaguely proud of how quickly the words stuck in my head. I shouldn’t have been. That’s exactly how it was formulated. For or a week or two, that was O.K. for sing-alongs.

At this point, there’s no fun in knowing all the words to “Closer.” Through millions of repetitions, dance-goers have sucked the life from the lyrics themselves. Now the song comes on and we mechanically shout along, but we all know there’s nothing left.

If we can’t avoid hearing this song hundreds of times per week, I wish we could at least sing different words each time. I did hear the alternate lyrics “like that kid in your enclosure,” at the last SYR I went to. I wish people would forget “Closer” like they forgot Harambe.