Power ranking my childhood Halloween costumes

The leaves are turning, the temperature is dropping and with every passing day, we lose a few more seconds of sunlight. You know what that means: it’s October! And if it’s October, then you know what that means: it’s Halloween!

Objectively the second-best holiday (behind only Christmas and just ahead of St. Patrick’s Day), Halloween holds a special place in the heart of every Domer. As “permacloud” settles over the South Bend skies and our workloads only worsen, Halloween is a reprieve — especially this semester, when the lack of any kind of fall break feels like it is personally attacking me. Even with COVID-19, expect campus to come alive; there’s a football game that day!

In honor of Spooky Season, I am dedicating my first-ever Inside Column (aw, baby’s first Inside Column!) to an embarrassing exposé of some seven years’ worth of shame, regret and cringe. Oh, the cringe. 

It’s time to power rank my childhood Halloween costumes. They’re nowhere near as humiliating as some of those TikToks, but with my accompanying descriptions, they might just come close.

So excited for this to live on the internet forever!

7. Severus Snape

This was so high risk for so little reward. Like yeah, the costume itself was just a robe, but I literally dyed my hair black. Black! And when I say “dyed,” I of course mean Dollar Tree spray dyed. I smelled like gasoline! And then when I got to school, everyone thought I was a vampire. Ugh.

6. Django Fett

I didn’t even have the decency to go as Boba Fett. Also, the plastic mask literally snapped in half while I was wearing it. Next.

5. Blue Power Ranger

The material of this costume was actually super comfortable, but my light-up Sketchers just did not match. I also distinctly remember choosing not to go as the Red Power Ranger because I knew my friend wanted to go as him more than me. Speaking of which ...

4. Red Power Ranger

Yeah, I had a teeny-tiny “Power Rangers” phase in preschool. Get over it. Also, I don’t know if my friend and I had a falling out or what, but me going as the Red Ranger was definitely tea. 

3. Chicago Bears Football Player

This was my parents’ idea. I wore it when I was only one year old — before I could form coherent sentences and well before I was foolish enough to choose my costume myself — so I actually looked pretty good. Next.

2. Darth Vader

I will not lie to you, I felt like an absolute beast in this thing. It was super comfortable, the helmet was sturdy and I even had a voice box to make Darth Vader noises. I also brought a red lightsaber to school, but they considered it a weapon and made me put it away. Oh, well.

1. Harry Potter

Was this even a costume? I still look like Harry Potter as a sophomore in college. But going as Harry in the middle of my wizard phase … boy, I was beaming.