Appearances

Yeah, I seem to have it together. But I don’t.Yeah, I declared a major.But I am not sure. 

Yeah, I smile.But I am not happy.Yeah, I am quiet.But so many thoughts run through my mind. Yeah, I seem to have it together.But the inside is under lock and key.To keep up appearances. 

Wouldn’t it be nice to hear somebody ask,“Are you okay?”and give you a hug 

And you don’t even have to say no because they know you so well. But I say yes.Just to keep up appearances. 

I put up a million masks,so you won’t know what I truly feel. When around youI smile,make jokes,but all I really want is for you to say, “I love you”or,“I care about you.”But I don’t say it aloud.Just to keep up appearances. 

A laughing emoji,to disguise tears.A smiley emoji,to change the direction of my fake smile. Fake it till you make it. 

If I text you,I can hide it.But if you call me,my voice will betray me. Texting is fine.Just to keep up appearances. 

One day I will break.One day I won’t know what I am studying. One day I will cry.One day I won’t know what my purpose is. One day I will scream.One day.But for now,I keep up perfect appearances. 

The worst part — I’m OK with it. 

Sylvia Garcia is a first-year and can be reached at sgarci26@nd.edu

Show Some Skin is a student-run initiative committed to giving voice to unspoken narratives about identity and difference. Using the art of storytelling as a catalyst for positive social change across campus, we seek to make Notre Dame a more open and welcoming place for all. If you are interested in breaking the silence and getting involved with Show Some Skin, email s.someskin@gmail.com