It's better together

The most annoying thing about being a second-semester senior is that you are forced to think about the future. It’s a fairly steep price to pay for everything you get to do with friends and (at least in my experience) having a lighter course load than in the past. It’s not like I haven’t done plenty of this in the past, but now it’s a central theme in everything I’m involved in — including, of course, The Observer.

While talking with some of our writers I thought might be interested in replacing me as Sports Editor, one of them asked me a question after the 30-minute joy ride which was me taking them through the Google Doc explaining all of the position's responsibilities which was passed down to me by previous department editor Aidan Thomas (which was passed down to him by fellow former Sports Editor Mannion McGinley and passed down to her by fellow former Sports Editor Hayden Adams and which potentially has a even longer lineage). He wanted to know what my favorite part of the role was.

I thought about it for a moment. The last year has been stressful but certainly rewarding. It’s given me a new appreciation for Aidan and Manni and everyone else who came before me (and a little guilt for not being more helpful when I was just a writer or Associate Sports Editor). Constantly swooping in to grab stories and working weekly (and sometimes even more frequent) production shifts has been exhausting, but I always felt a satisfaction whenever I left the office or submitted a story. Getting to talk with some incredible athletes and coaches across the tri-campus has been an incredible experience. Spending a night walking through Greenville, South Carolina (which may not sound like much but was a fun little experience) with colleagues and other student media friends the night before the Clemson game was great to take in too.

But my answer to him was easy. It was getting the chance to develop relationships with the rest of our Editorial Board, laughing during our weekly meetings and during production shifts. Being able to oversee the great work done by everyone in the department and show new writers the ropes fell in the same boat. Holding the position was a lot of work, yes, but it also presented opportunities and strengthened bonds in ways which may not have otherwise happened.

For a long time, I’ve thought of myself as an introvert. Being social just never came easy to me, even when I was just a little kid. But as I found my friend group near the end of high school, gradually connected with some of the other guys in Siegfried Hall, was whole-heartedly embraced while interning for my beloved Philadelphia Phillies two summers ago and shared the student media grind in offices and press boxes spread out across campus, my opinion of myself began to change.

It still feels weird to think of myself as a people person. Even some of my closest friends might be surprised at that evaluation, and in truth, maybe that label doesn’t exactly hit the nail on the head. I’ve never been the life of the party, nor am I particularly outgoing or athletic or confident or any of the other qualities associated with the label. And yeah, part of that may be an occasionally excessive focus on my interests, as anyone who was around me for any singular moment in the last two Octobers can attest.

The most comfortable thing for me to do on a weekend night is still to throw on a hockey game or knock out some homework. There’s always — always — a little nervousness in my stomach on the nights I decide to go out. Last year, I wrote my Inside Column about my relationship with those feelings and concluded they would probably never fully leave. A year later, I’m still right.

But I’m also able to put them away once I see my friends’ faces, whether on the football field after Senior Day or in the Dahnke Ballroom for the 100 Days Dance or across whatever bar we’re at that night. I know I’m not always a perfect person to be around — yes, I’m actually aware I talk too much about Philadelphia sports (I am sorry and am always trying to do better, even if it may not seem like it). But through acts big (like repaying me for what seemed like a small favor by buying me a Notre Dame football jersey!) and small (as simple as complimenting me after a broadcast), I feel more love than longing.

Overall, it’s been a weird senior year. A lot of my friends are living off campus, so I’ve missed out on a lot of the small, day-to-day interactions with them which I cherished the last few years. Even my friends who are still in Siegfried I feel like I haven’t seen as much while balancing classes with being Sports Editor and my sports broadcasting duties all while being an RA (why yes, that is a lot, thank you for noticing — I hope a prospective employer does the same). However, it's also allowed me to appreciate the good times with them even more. That may be more of a silver lining than a true positive, but I always try to be optimistic.

I’m not sure if this is earnest self-reflection or just being overly self-conscious, but I feel like sometimes I take up too much space by focusing on my interests to let all of these wonderful people in my life know how much they mean to me, and to just be a good friend in general. This column is part of my ongoing efforts to make sure that isn’t the defining takeaway others may have of me when the not-so-distant future of graduating college becomes the present.

To everyone here and all of my friends elsewhere all across this campus, thank you so much for everything. I wish I could have shared every great moment of the last four years with you, but I'm happy I did for quite a few of them. There’s no one I want to see the rest of my Notre Dame experience through with other than you. I know it can seem like I’m stuck in my own world at times (and sometimes, it’s simply because I am), but I care a lot more about the one I share with all of you and the experiences we’ve had together. I hope you do, too — and I hope there are a lot more of them still to come.

You can contact Andrew at amcguinn@nd.edu.