While this column focuses on new connections, my existing ones with friends, family and teachers back home deserve some attention. I have heard from many of you, and I look forward to seeing you all soon. It is your perspectives that have shaped this piece. Thank you.
Small town life in the middle of nowhere is often better than people think. It’s quiet. Nature is present all the time. People walk slower. They greet you in public. You can think in peace. It’s all these things that make me happy to say that I am from a small place that most people can’t find on a map.
There is one unfortunate downside with living in a small town: everyone knows each other. I shouldn’t call it a downside, since it isn’t necessarily one depending on who you are. If I were to talk to a high school student from my area, we probably have a mutual friend. It’s not always a bad thing. However, it does create complications. If there’s an argument or a falling out, everyone knows about it. If you make your disdain public, everyone knows about it. If you don’t like somebody, too bad. You’re going to see them a lot. Again, this isn’t always bad. It has helped me develop a tolerance for different people.
Notre Dame is a change. There is room to make friends in the ways I hadn’t before. It’s no longer as much of a risk. I can reach out and discover more about people who have similar or completely different interests. It’s a unique and new concept. So far, I have met people from the Midwest and the East Coast. My roommate is from California. The guys in my residence hall come from every region of the United States and abroad. Logic says we all wouldn’t get along, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I have made connections across campus. Chance encounters have turned into real and substantial bonds. Even though I’m not an extrovert, there is still a thrill to see where these encounters take me.
As a matter of full disclosure, I was worried that I wouldn’t find people. I feared this newfound freedom to explore friendship without the guardrails of small town gossip would drive others away, rather than bring them closer. I am a relative outsider compared to the many people from the Midwest and the mythical “Chicago suburbs” I keep hearing about, where everyone lives (apparently). Luckily, that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Notre Dame is a famously rigorous institution. Not just in terms of academics, but for extracurriculars and social life too. We need people to thrive in this environment. We need people to walk to class with and mourn our grades after exams. We need people to share opinions openly and freely to better our perspectives. I did not know how to crystallize these thoughts. After midterms, I was on my daily doom scroll through Instagram reels where the motivational content was in full swing, and I was fed a clip from a Brad Pitt speech. He says:
“I was reading a passage recently where a character was asking: which is more important, the journey or the destination? And the other replied: it’s the company. And I couldn’t agree more.”
The company I have developed has lessened the stress of attending one of the most prestigious colleges in the country. It’s not that I am apathetic about academics or extracurriculars, I certainly care. It’s more comforting to know I am developing bonds built on openness and genuine interest with the people around me. Whether we talk regularly or rarely, I am proving to myself that I can break out of my mold and develop connections with a wide variety of people. It is empowering, as this whole experience has been in one way or another.
People talk often about “the college experience.” Its definition is elusive and often left undefined. Other times, it's used to justify poor decision making. I haven’t defined this term yet. I’m still working on it, but I think that challenging myself to develop genuine human connections is getting me closer. We are all “strangers in a strange land,” experiencing life for the first time. Perhaps a part of this experience is for us not just to find friends, but uncover good company.
Duncan Stangel is a first-year global affairs major at Notre Dame. Currently residing in Alumni Hall (the center of the universe), he hails from the small town of Cumberland, MD. When he's not saving kittens from trees, you can find him stumbling to Debart with a caffeine source in hand. Contact at dstangel@nd.edu.
