I have always struggled to see the forest for the trees. This has never been more true since starting college, where it feels like life becomes a series of increasingly important decisions and somewhere along the way, I lost my “How to Do Life” instruction manual. As a freshman, I fretted over picking a major. Sophomore year brought decisions about career paths, study abroad and senior housing. Now, as a junior, it is all about employers, internships and post-grad plans. It can feel overwhelming, especially when you realize that life after graduation is just a continuous series of more decisions, each with increasingly long-term consequences.
Yet, if college has taught me anything else, it is that you do not have to make these decisions alone. There are also people put on this planet to act as your pseudo-instruction manual. And if I could, I would highly encourage my past self to lean on those around her more.
At the first sign of a stressful decision, my instinct used to be to hole up and hope that an answer magically came to me in my sleep. I would internalize my stress, turning it over in my head and bearing the load of my own overthinking alone.
I have since learned how helpful it can be to share that load, to unflinchingly hold the issue up to the light and allow others examine it. This is not to say that you need to seek out external validation or should ever compromise your own intuition — you are, at the end of the day, the one making your bed and the one who must lie in it.
But sometimes the answer you have been praying for is just waiting to be revealed by those who know you best. And by “know you best,” I mean people that make you feel seen. It is weirdly validating to hear someone else’s perception of you — what they notice about your personality, likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses and passions. I find that these people often confirm things I already knew deep down, but had not yet articulated. “Why did you choose that major?” and “you are definitely a people person” and “you seem excited by that idea” can transform. The smallest act of confirming someone’s inner thoughts is powerful, potentially giving them greater confidence to make a leap they already wanted to take.
So once you find these people, hold them close. I once received the advice to build my own “personal board of directors,” a group of people that could serve as a sounding board whenever I needed advice. Your “BOD” can be made up of anyone — parents, siblings, roommates, academic advisors, coaches — as long as they know you on a personal level. In fact, it is helpful to have a variety of people at varying stages of life, and who know you in different capacities. I keep a running note on my phone called “Personal BOD,” and on it, the people whose advice I would turn to in certain situations. My best friend from home, my mom, my old academic advisor, my roommate and many others have found a special spot in my notes app.
I sometimes wonder how I got so lucky to have found these people in my life. The best thing about them, and mentors in general, is that they are completely oblivious to the way in which they alter your trajectory. What is eye-opening advice is usually “no big deal” to them, just a passing comment delivered with unwavering confidence in you.
So hold them close, and let your gratitude be known. There is never a good time to thank your BOD — when Facetiming a friend, going on a coffee date with an advisor or getting groceries with your dad, it can be hard to interject: “Yeah, Notre Dame’s strength of schedule sucks this year. Anyway, you know all those times you said it would all work out? That time I was freaking out and you just smiled? Thank you for that. And thanks for answering my midnight calls while I was lying on the couch, stumbling over my words trying to explain the situation. Or that time I came into your office feeling like the world was ending, but I walked out feeling hopeful for the first time in weeks instead. Or that time I was in my head about what I said, and you told me that it would be okay. You were right, and I listened.”
Currently challenging myself to pay this forward. We would all be lucky to serve on someone else’s BOD one day.
Allison Elshoff is a junior studying Business Analytics with minors in the Hesburgh Program of Public Service and Impact Consulting. Originally from Valencia, California and currently living in Badin Hall, you can find her unsubscribing from email lists or hammocking by the lakes. You can contact Allison at aelshoff@nd.edu.
