“The only men talking about this crisis are guys like Andrew Tate,” Patrick, a college sophomore, told me as he explained why he’s attracted to the digital “manosphere,” a space where patriarchal ideals about women — who they exist for and what their bodies are made for: men. As 1950s as this ideology may seem, Patrick has a point: men are lonely.
In 2023, two-thirds of men aged 18-24 admit that “no one really knows me,” and one in four say they have “no real close friends.” Meanwhile, young women in the same age group are forging ahead — six out of ten aspire to higher leadership roles. Just a decade ago, nearly half of young women were content with the idea of being stay-at-home moms. The stark difference in how young men and women navigate modern life reflects a shift in the very definitions of masculinity and femininity.
While masculinity remains tethered to traditional ideals — reinforced by figures like Andrew Tate and Donald Trump, who champion a 1950s-style patriarchy — femininity has evolved. No longer constructed as a complementary accessory to men, it is now a bold assertion of power and ambition. Men are, as a consequence, sad. Awww.
“It seems like women aren't interested in being girlfriends anymore,” Patrick complained, shifting the blame for this crisis not onto toxic masculinity, but onto women themselves. The typical “solution” to male loneliness is for more women to marry men (1950s). But for young women today, a man is no longer a prerequisite for achieving the American Dream.
“Why should we spend our lives to entertain you? I can get a job. I don’t need to have your kids. I can support myself,” Olivia, a senior, pointed out. And she’s right. Women no longer need men for social and financial stability — let alone to open a credit card. While the patriarchy is still alive (and very much well), women’s romantic relationships with men are increasingly dependent on what they should be: love, attraction and the mutual want to do something fun after the bar — rather than necessity.
The invasion of women into male-dominated spaces, from our classrooms to our workplaces, is making young men lonely because the attention has shifted off of them, with the patriarchal dominance of the 1950s resurging. About one in three young males have favorable views of Andrew Tate, a man who claims women are men’s “property.” Owning women was an insurance of a man’s happiness in 1950 — and, fortunately, the right to own a woman has been overturned by society. Instead of finding ways to coexist with successful women, young men are desperately trying to assert their ownership over their female counterparts, often through sexual violence. Take choking during sex as an example: in one survey, two thirds of college-aged women said they’ve been choked, with 40% of reporting their first experience being between the ages of 12 and 17. Ask your mom: choking wasn’t common thirty or even five years ago. This trend reflects the desperation of young men to reassert dominance in a world where women are liberated.
The desperation of young men to cling onto the 50s — onto their power — has fueled the rise of toxic masculinity, but it has also fueled the loneliness epidemic. “U wonder why men are lonely,” Olivia texted me, but “no one understands that men are just trash.”
Sure, cool men like Barry Keoghan exist; but the majority of men continue to expect women to be their accessory. Half of young men claim that women should do the “primary” work around the house, so when the girl you are snapping doesn’t snap back because she’s at work, or when dinner isn’t waiting for you because you both get off at the same time, you get upset, claiming you're lonely and searching for ways to assert dominance. Why would a woman want to date you if that’s your reaction?
To be clear, I don’t see male loneliness as BS. I see it as a symptom of the wrong reaction to female empowerment. Existing in this world is hard. Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on. But women are no longer, nor should they be, your built-in shoulder. “The problem is, when they have an issue, they think someone’s gonna come help, when women have been learning how to help themselves for eternity,” Olivia further explains. “It just seems like when men are lonely, they don’t see it as their problem, they see it as ours.”
What many young women, like Olivia, don’t understand is that existing as a man is uniquely hard. We are, of course, told to exist as an emotionless statue of power.
Matt, a freshman, doesn’t blame women, but rather the “individualistic society that gives men no common struggle to unite around.” Men's major milestones—building resumes, achieving in school, or personal accomplishments — are typically earned and celebrated in isolation. “We fight alone. We conquer alone. We are alone,” he says.
In the 1950s, men weren’t alone — women were waiting at home for a free therapy session. That dynamic has changed, and it should be celebrated. The solution to male loneliness isn’t reverting to the 50s, but rather fostering actual relationships that adapt to the necessary liberation of women from antiquation.
So this weekend, tell that cute girl in your class you liked what she said about the reading. And, maybe, get a therapist. They’re free at the UCC.
Connor Marrott is a senior from Cleveland, Ohio His writing has appeared in the Cleveland Plain Dealer and the Cincinnati Enquirer. He serves on the board of SoildarityND and is always eager to discuss any and all ideas. You can contact Connor at cmarrott@nd.edu.
